Sam's Journal

6 Days since incident of Colony 26

Heh. I'm in the military. And I'm a parent. Oh shit, I didn't see this coming before I got dressed for the field trip. Dad would be proud, but I don't know what to say to mom about Sparrow. I don't think we're allowed to talk about newtypes with people other than those of a higher rank. So my letters out might be changed. Turin nearly crushed me earlier, he thought it was all good fun, flying through the air like a sack of 200 weights. He's still so funny whenever you find the spot under his chin, he'll just flop down and relax. Oinky is hard to figure out, but that's mostly because he can't stay still long enough for a hug or scratch, I wish that he didn't have to hop around so much, but he does seem to enjoy it. Got a new friend earlier, thought that Etna was going to raise the price up after I didn't pay for him right then and there. But he's a cute little ball of feathers, I don't know if naming him after a god was a good idea, but maybe I can teach him to start saying his name eventually. Nachu isn't that great a name, but he can already say it. Maybe I should call him Nacho, or Negi, but he already knows that I call him Nept, so that won't work. Oh, I'll write up more later, Sparrow wants to eat.

Well had some freeze dried rations, let Sparrow have my ice cream. I never thought that being in the military let you eat such good food. I used to have to eat two or three servings to not run out of energy, but the rations they have here are awesome! I saw Bulk a few times sparring with some other guys, I wanted to go over and fight, but he seemed pretty tired, didn't want to make him feel bad by whipping him too hard. Speaking of, I haven't seen Kaz doing any sparring besides with his pokemon, maybe I should drag him down and beat the stuffing out of him to teach him about slacking. Leo has been really getting after that dossier they gave us, I usually can't remember faces that well, but those guys seemed to stick out. But that might've been the masks, you don't see too many people walking around the street with a mask like that on. None of them sound very fun to fight save a few, like Lady F.

She obviously is a pretty good fighter, as she seems to want to keep any clothing that might slow her down to a minimum, her powers of pyrokinesis might be linked to her skin, making a greater surface area shown a greater chance of hurting the opponent. Maybe she burned Lord M after he did something to make her angry. I bet if Tessa could shoot fire out of her eyes I'd be burned all over. But this Lady F seems to be one of the biggest threats, the younger you are as high up as that, the more capable you probably are. I need to know some way to combat her, maybe a fireproof shield, or a water gun that would make her powers fizzle out. Lord D is an odd one also, I thought that the red cross was for hospitals and medics, but if that could be used as a weapon, the way he smiles just creeps me out. Lord R, maybe he is benefiting from Lord D's healing and is just getting superficial surgeries or healing done.

We have yet to meet the new addition to the team or the doctor, I know that the admiral wouldn't do something like place Sparrow in too much of a stressful situation, so I guess I'll trust the man. I wonder what sort of man is joining our team though, maybe one of those spies like in the old movies. He'll walk in wearing a crisp tux and adjust his sleeves and say something like "Tom, Paynes Tom." Or what if he was another fighter, maybe like a boxer or a wrestler. Oh whoa, what if the masked wrestler was joining our team, and we could go and fight TRE with cool color coordinated wrestling masks so they don't know who we were. I could get a green a grey one, with a pink gem on the top, just like Oinky! I bet Tessa would get one with spikes sticking out from her forehead, she could be called, THE AMAZING MIGRAINE. Although, I do wonder if they're getting worse from the newtype powers, or just the stress about what's going on. What did they do when she was brought on stage with the others, she seemed distant when we were getting away, and after that she had the worst migraines that I know about. I don't know if I could take care of Sparrow by myself, I barely made it through school with everyone's help, I can't teach her what she needs to know. Maybe if all she needed was how to string a bow and shoot correctly, but science and math? And sewing, I don't see how she sits there for hours working on a single piece of cloth, I'd go crazy. Kaz has his models, Leo has his cooking, Tessa has her sewing, all I can do is punch things and archery. I'm not even good at either of them too, dad was a better archer, and Kaz is better at punching. The only thing I'm the best at is getting hurt and in the way.

They talk about newtypes and I finally thought that I would be able to do something to help, but I find out I'm just a low powered one, a nobody still. Leo is gonna be a great doctor someday, Tessa and Kaz will be these great psychic masters, and I'll still be myself. The only thing that makes me special is that oinky likes me, and I'm not sure if that's because I'm special, or if he's just moving around too much to actually see what I am. Turin seems to be nice to most anybody, and Nept just needs somebody to love him, he's a lonely little ball of cute.

I think I'm finally getting used to 0gee all the time, but I still miss actually rolling out of bed, and my sheets always float away and I get cold in the night. I miss home. I have to remind myself that we're out here to make sure that this doesn't happen anymore, we will stop TRE and we'll make sure that nobody else gets hurt, I just hope that Miss Iris and the second group is ok where ever they are, nobody seemed to care that we didn't find them, I asked, but nobody answered. Maybe they found a way to call in and they're getting picked up by another ship. Maybe the new guy is another teacher. I should talk to the captain about setting up an archery range, maybe I could train some of the other crew to shoot, not that I'd be the best teacher. I don't understand Sparrow, she's the sweetest thing, but I don't see any reason for her to be afraid of all the pokemon, she even loves her buneary doll so much. Maybe I should have gotten her the buneary instead of Neptune, I don't know why I spent all my allowance on- I mean salary on him, he's cute, but I can't bring everything I think is cute on missions.

Maybe the doctor that's coming will help, I hope that she eventually gets over her fear, it seemed like she was coming along at the ranch, I nearly cried when she said she wanted to be like us. How can I tell her that her parents aren't coming back. How can I tell her the very reason for her being under our care is a lie? Dad would know what to do, if only he could tell us where he is. I guess I'm sort of like dad now, out on a mission in space, trying to save people. I hope he knows that mom and the two brats are fine, I'd hate to find out that my home was blown up and wouldn't know where my family was. Oh crap, I don't, I need to ask later where our families are being sent to. I keep forgetting to get the two little monsters souvenirs from the colonies, mom would know what to get them, I'd probably just try and snag some punching bags, maybe there'll be a fighting gym sometime soon so I can get some advice on my style. All this training in 0 gee can't be good for my bones, better grab some more milk cartons for Sparrow and I to drink during breaks.

I wonder if i could get her a pair of magnetic boots so she can actually walk around instead of floating, not that I don't like having her hang on my neck. I feel like a…parent. I can't call myself that, I lied to a little girl and eventually I have to shatter her hopes for a normal life again. Why did she have to be thrust into this entire ordeal, the newtypes, this war that's brewing, why did this fight have to happen to her? If Tessa has headaches that bad and she's only a fraction as powerful a newtype as Sparrow, what will happen when she gets older? How will I help her when the pain is making her cry, and I can't do anything to help shield her from the pain. I need to find some way, there is a way, there's all these things we're finding out, there has to be a way for me to help with the pain of others, I won't be the only one who isn't helping. I will learn how to take the pain of others and shoulder it myself, I won't let this fight hurt everything I know because of some selfish family who wants a war. When I get back from the mission, I'll start training with Oinky and Turin, I won't let this fight hurt Sparrow, or Tessa, or Kaz, or Leo. I'll protect everyone.

8 Days after the 0026 Incident

Don't know what to think anymore, met a guy who said that you should follow your gut. Well my gut is all twisted up and I feel sick. I just helped beat up a girl that must only have been 5 years younger than me, and now the military is going to interrogate her. A girl who probably didn't even know what was going on, who was surprised when we barged in, not some sort of evil person who was sitting behind a desk waiting for the heroes to arrive, she was sitting on a bean bad trying to not burn up, unable to control how hot the room she sat in was. We bust in and trash her room, beating her up until she faints. It wasn't even her fault Leo got shot, it was mine. She cried out as to why we had guns, and if we even knew what to do with them, I couldn't say anything back because she was right. I picked up a weapon and didn't know the first thing about it, the damn thing just sat there and fired straight into Leo because I thought it made me look cool. I only picked up the fucking gun because I thought I would bust in and be the amazing hero I've always seen. The rangers, the military, even Bulk is more of a hero than me, he saved Sparrow back on the colony, not us. So here we are, Leo in the med bay, Freya probably scared and alone getting interrogated, Ariel with her gym and public reputation ruined. Real great track record, and that's just a few hours.

So we make it back to debriefing, the Captain seems impressed, he comments that we are lucky to have made it out alive, so now I find out we aren't even people to them, just assets they throw at missions hoping they'll survive to be thrown at the next. The Captain seemed to be loosening up too, he reminded me a bit of Dad. Maybe he isn't that bad, but I still reserve me judgments about the higher ups, it seemed like he was getting orders from someone else, and I doubt the admiral told him to do that. Are we all just pawns for these two governments to throw until they're tired and give up? Did Freya do ANYTHING to be used and thrown away like this? Will Sparrow be sitting in her room after we've been retired and have a group of TRE agents busting in like the heroes, and be questioning why they are doing this? When I don't know what I'm fighting for, how can I know if it's even the right thing to do. "Lady F", what a fucking joke, it's all a joke, they take the newtypes and throw them at each other to see who get's to be the king of everything, do the other Lords even care? Was Freya just a sickly girl to them? She wasn't even liked by the men patrolling, they mocked her, when she could do little to prevent herself from overheating. This entire situation is knee deep in shit, I'm gonna go talk to Leo when he wakes up and is out of the med bay. He's usually a bit more understanding than Tessa, and has a little more to say than Kaz. Hell, I don't even know if I like Thompson anymore, just pulled a gun on the guys moving the crates and opened fire. Does he care that he's killing people? Are they just pawns to him too, slowly chipping away at the other side so that we can take the king and declare a game over?

Dunno about the government, but I know that Damascus is bad news, anyone who wants to be known as an emperor isn't all right upstairs. But what if he had a valid reason for that, what has the government done that's pissed off the outer colonies for these past years. Apparently something big, as we'd be shot down if we approached one of the outermost, there isn't much I can think of that would make a group of people that angry, unless Damascus has them all brainwashed that much. If they weren't satisfied with the way things were going there, he wouldn't be in power the way he was.

Took a walk with Oinky, he's gotten so strong, I'm amazed that the little ball of hopping energy is so capable. Nearly took out Ariel's Arcanine, what an amazing space pig. He deserves better, that entire fight just led up to this mess, if he had been with any other trainer, they would have spent the night having fun and playing. Not getting shot at and ruining lives. I'll start working out with Neptune later, need to get him so capable moves, he's just so fluttering and cute, I'd feel bad about punching him. The egg, damn, makes my chest hurt every time I look at it, Ariel gave us these under the false pretense that we had gone through the egg handling courses, and even seemed happy that they were going to us, now what do I do? I ruin her, and I don't even know anyone that could take the egg outside of the military. Turin is getting stronger too, his friend Bitey evolved, I should let them play together maybe even convince Tessa to have them train together. Sparrow is still shy around them, but I think it's getting better, especially with those that she's seen before.

About the powers, I need some way to compensate so I can be a help to the others, Leo is amazing at patching me up during fights, Kazuma can talk in my head now, and apparently can throw ice out of his hand, Tessa is becoming better and sneaking around in heads, and I'm still sitting there with nothing, maybe I can ask about taking some specialty ranger training, I bet that the Military Rangers have a few schools they can run me through, maybe even let me buy some equipment. Captain Kits mentioned Turtle running tests on Freya, I just hope that he isn't taking some sick pleasure in it, just the minimum to keep her from blowing herself up. In any case I need to speak to her, I need to find out what's going on so that I can make a decision. I try to talk to her but the soldiers insist that I can't, I make an excuse that they don't know what could happen, but they say it's fine. If that's the case, were they just pushing me off, or did the Dossier just not include that "Lady" F was under the care of TRE because her powers caused her to be sick. The more I talk about this shit the more twisted up and sick I feel, I'm going for a walk.

Tried to figure out what everyone else would do in my place, fat lot of good that did. Mom tells me to just follow the government and they'll see you through, the little munchkins aren't old enough to understand this yet, and Dad tells me to do what's right. Kaz acts the hero and has to strive for the ultimate good, throwing away family and friends if they get in the way, that came out wrong. Kaz surprised me, he seemed insulted that I would suggest he try to find his Mom, insulted that I suggested he try to find his closest family member. Does he hate TRE that much, I probably do, but the more I think about it, the more people we see that have no part in what happened, what do we really hate? We punch our way through the bottom rung only to reach people that still just follow orders and had no part in it, ruining peoples lives who think they are only helping the outer colonies. Anyway, Tessa tells me to do whatever I do to protect those I love, and to do it in style, Leo tells me that I need to follow the bigger plans. But what if all these conflict, what if protecting Sparrow and everyone makes me disobey the government, what if it isn't right to sacrifice my role in the military to protect Sparrow, how do I follow my gut when I can't even follow orders without doubting everything.

I'd type up more, but I just don't feel like it. Might type up a bit more later when I feel like wanting to vomit.

Ugh, just read back through my first entry. I can't stop tearing up and wanting to just beat someone. This entire thing is a farce, I need to change what I am, I need to protect everyone, not just those that I know. I should have protected Freya, not beaten her into unconsciousness. I talk of how it will be so interesting to fight her, like this is some sort of game, like I'm going for a high score. The higher ups probably enjoyed reading that, and if they're reading this, they can fuck right off. This isn't right, and I hate myself for continuing to do it, but I'll make myself better, I won't let people get hurt again because they don't understand. That's what it means to be a Ranger, to protect everyone, no matter how you feel, or what you know. I was being childish before, I need to grow up and face the reality of where I am.

Night of 7/31 - 8 Days after 0026 Incident

Freya is a feisty kid, but I failed again. I couldn't even show her my resolve. Tom started talking about all the right things and I started thinking I was too hard on him. I thought, no, he isn't just a silver tongued smooth talker, he actually knows how we feel. So I was pleasantly surprised when he tells me he wants to talk later, but I was already set on talking to Leo, for all the shit I put him through. They talked Freya into cooperating after a while and we left her to stay in the cooling tank. I'll go visit her sometime later, try to apologize again, maybe talk frankly. We left to go take care of things before the official briefing, so I head over to our room. Sparrow was so happy to see Tessa and me, I don't know what to say, just watching our daughter get a look of joy on her face from us being there. I know there's always something worth living for when I see her, something worth fighting for, something worth (oh shit, I can't believe I'm about to say this) something worth dying for. Hopefully it won't come to that, but if it did, I know what to do. I tried to tell her that we would never leave her, but she didn't understand, nearly broke up when she tried acting like we were the holiest people in the universe. Don't know how I can tell her we've lied to her this entire time.

Headed to Leo after letting off some steam and went in, Brian has his nose in some book and didn't even bother to stop reading when he left. That's some dedication I have to say, must've been an interesting book, or he snuck on comics somehow. Leo thought I had come in to talk about the mission, but I guess he was half right, of course I spill my guts all over his bed and he sits there with a serious look and gives me advice, trying to make me feel better. I'm stuck between thinking he's serious or just saying that to help. Throughout the entire thing, I felt weird, because he never mentioned himself, he put himself in the shadows, not acknowledging anything he's done, just to try and make me feel better. He talked like Freya was fine now, how she will be taken care of, not having to be with those dicks in the jackets, talking behind her back. I tried to apologize to him about the gun, and he says he trusts me, says he trusts the instincts that I've hated up until now. Sparrow came up, and he says that we're the closest family she has, just made me think harder about what I knew I needed to do. So I hug him and he flounders around a bit, I need to remember that, either to make him uncomfortable, or at least try to help. Everybody needs a hug sometime, and I feel bad that he doesn't seem to have anybody. We say bye and I head out to Tom's room, pretty happy, or at least not crying now. I reach there and he takes me on a trip, to what I thought was going to be a private conversation away from his bunkmate, but he kept evading where we were going.

Turns out I was wrong, Tom brought me to the gun range, and insists that I learn how to shoot people, insists that I learn how to operate a gun, and lightly implies that he doesn't want Leo getting shot again. I might have gotten a little pissed off and I yell at him about not using a gun, my bow will do fine. He tries to convince me a bit more, and I think my yelling attracted the attention of another Ensign, so he comes out and informs us that I'm early for my lessons. So I get a little more pissed off at Tom before finding out that not only does Tom feel the need to remind me I shot Leo, but the Captain does too. He isn't as light either, straight up made them mandatory for me. So after a few hours of me practicing on a pistol and rifle, I now know that I don't want a gun. It's a weapon to kill people, there's nothing that will change that, you can't use a gun to fire a grappling hook onto a building's edge, you can't use it for anything but killing. Tom knows that, the ensign knows that, and the Captain knows that, but they don't care. I remember Tom firing at the men in the loading bay, not caring about killing them, then I look back at him telling Freya that he might be a military dog, but he always sees everyone as people first. Right, back to silver tongued insensitive jerk. He didn't even ask me before we got there, just tried to trick me into doing it, we met like 3 days ago for the first time, and he's already trying to trick me. Hopefully the twins will at least annoy him or actually dig up something to annoy them with, but I'll owe them once they find out.

I head out from the gun range and walk into the briefing room, wiping the grease off my hands, trying not to look too angry or sore. Whoops, guess what everybody, looks like the upper military doesn't care about us, the good news is, next time we get to go into a suicide mission, we'll know about it! So good news all around. I might have snapped for a second, probably said somethings that would get me hung for treason in harsher circles. Not surprisingly, I found myself looking to the side leaking a bit of blood from my mouth. I may have sounded bitter, but the captain is a good man, he wouldn't have done anything if he hadn't cared. He seems like an uptight figure, that just can't let himself relax, but he cares, he reminded me of someone the night of the party, and he doesn't seem to fail in following in example. I hope whenever something drastic happens, he isn't caught in the middle. Of course Tom tries to defend the military and messes up Kaz's name AGAIN. TOM, IT'S MISTER KAZUMA, OR KAZUMA, NOT MISTER KAZMUH. I can only hope the twins catch up to him soon. Leo and Kaz seemed distraught enough about the situation, Leo in his casual levelheaded way, Kaz scowling at it in his angry way. After talking about some newtype stuff and the colony trip, I asked about visiting the Orthrom Estate, turns out things did go better than I had thought. Ariel wasn't implicated in the ordeal and the military didn't have to show up at her doorstep. I wanted to thank them, but thought after getting punched in the face it would seem a bit forced, so I smiled and nodded. Of course Tom tries to persuade the Captain to make the gun safety training mandatory for everyone else, probably to either show he was sorry, or he was just pointing it out again to rub it in. I don't know, but I'll go with trying to make me feel better about it, because I don't think he would get very far if he was that dull and slow about social graces.

One thing I know for sure. I will never allow Sparrow to be forced into the military. I know what sort of people run the missions, and I will never allow her to be used like Freya almost was. Arceus help them if they think they can raise her up to be a nice little footsoldier and a tool for them to throw away. I don't care if they hang me, if they touch a hair on her head, I will hunt them down.

Went to go do the egg courses, most of it was common sense stuff, don't drop the egg, don't use the egg to play catch, don't mistake the egg for food. Near the end we got to check on our eggs, and Kaz let Sparrow hold onto the little fuzzy spider's friend. I sure hope he's ok. She held onto it, I joked about being as brave as Tessa, she agreed. I didn't know she didn't like spiders. We headed out after Kaz and Tessa left pokemon there, dinner and bed came soon after. I put Sparrow to bed, and felt like a mother. I sat and watched her sleep soundly for a bit before starting this journal up with the covers over my head, whoop- we just started out, ugh, I hate 0-gee. Never had the toughest stomach, and I just ate earlier. Time to try and sleep now, damnit my covers are floating away, I hope they don't wake up from the light.

Night of 8/1 - 9 Days after the 0026 Incident

Finished up my egg course, brought along Sparrow too, although I don't know if she'll be allowed to take care of eggs until she retakes it when she's older, and more official. I took the egg in it's case and strapped it over my backpack, it's a bit bulky, but that's fine, it helps protect the little guy, whoever he is. Dropped Sparrow off at the room after lunch with the egg, and went to go patrol with the rangers. Got paired up with a really nice lady, she said she had been with the rangers since high school, like me. We talked, and the time went by really fast. I floated through the corridors back to the room and picked up Sparrow to get catch some exercizing in the 0-g, she seems to like weightlessness, but it just makes me queasy.

Worked with Oinky and Sparrow, keeping them both in tip top shape, showed Sparrow how to do 0-g Yoga, which is actually a lot different from Earth Gravity Yoga, Oinky tried to contribute, but just ended knocking us both into the middle of the gym. Of course one bounce from him off me fixed that, remind me not to try that again. Dinner was nice, I played Sparrow in Golem, Ditto, Scizor, for the desserts, she won. I think she cheated.

Night of 8/2 10 Days After the 0026 Incident

At breakfast we found out that Tom's egg hatched, it was a cute little Torchic, but another sign that sent off alarms in my head. Tom didn't want that cute of a pokemon. He gave it to Kaz who was gushing over the cute little thing. I feel bad for the egg Tom got from Kaz, hopefully it will be big and tough enough to not take shit from him. Let Sparrow stick around with me as Tessa was working with some superior officer, in fact, she spent all day doing that. Silly as it seems. We hit the gym again, relaxing a bit more than the previous day letting the pokemon go at it, we'd have time to work out later. Neptune worked hard in the 0-g and I was happy when he seemed improved, we had a big lunch before I took her to the rec room and rented out an old movie series. We watched the Retro Movie, the Scifi Movie, and then the finale, the Old Western. I think she liked the Western the best.

But I had to ruin the fun and be stuffy for once, making her go with me to the gym again and help her out with the machines. Can't let this no gravity hurt her developement, we're at least getting to the age where we stop growing, I don't know what would happen if she were too lax in working out.

Midafternoon of 8/3 - 11 Days after the 0026 Incident

Headed by the gym with Tessa and Sparrow, I let her relax a bit since she's been here the past two days, and Tessa insisted that she get her homework done. After working with Neptune a bit again We dropped Sparrow off at the room and headed off to do our own things, I think I saw Tessa in the halls as I was heading to Turtle's but I didn't see her when I was there. Turtle seems nice enough, but what he said made me a bit hesitant. I remember the Captain or Admiral saying that Sparrow might become a threat to herself, but now he says that would never happen, I wonder if he means while under his watch, but after I mentioned it he didn't correct himself or try to explain. I'm interested in the new AC powers that he's learning about, but I need to see if I can work my way into the Rangers and get my hands on some special equipment before I make a decision.

Night of 8/3 - 11 Days after 0026 Incident - Arrival at 0026 next day

I fucked up, I was getting so used to just being mother to Sparrow, I forgot to watch what was said around her. Brian sat down and started talking about home, started talking about his pokemon, I joined in and mentioned Sparrow's home and getting some of her things. Tessa was the only one to notice, she left with Sparrow, and a few minutes later I noticed too. She figured it out, and we could only hold onto her, comforting her while she sobbed into our shoulders. I don't deserve this, I don't deserve being a mother, Tessa was right. I'm too flippant about responsibilities, and not serious enough about the facts. Sparrow deserves Teresa and I'll make sure she doesn't lose her mother twice. I'll need to talk to Tessa in the morning to decide how it should be handled. We let her sleep next to us to try and help with the nightmares. I vaguely remember my parents doing this when I was little. It makes my chest ache, but we have to be strong for her.

EDIT: I nearly forgot, only remembered when he bumped against my head. My egg hatched into a cute little blob of sass. I named him Mantle, he's pretty squishy, yet really warm. I've been letting him float around the room, but before I go to sleep I let him sit next to me, he's still a baby after all. Don't want him to spend his first night in a pokeball. Or like Brian's poor pokemon, stuck out in space alone. Signing off again, I think Sparrow is waking up from a nightmare.

Midmorning of 8/4 - 12 Days after 0026

Woke up trying to grab ahold of the edge of everything, thankfully realized it was just a dream before I woke up Sparrow and Tessa. Usually my mind is slow enough that I don't have very bad dreams, but last night was terrifying. I was back home, just hanging out with David and Zach, Mom was out doing something. The colony started getting ripped apart, and everywhere I turned there was something blocking the way to the escape pods. Zach and David both kept screaming about something I couldn't make out, and the house seemed to evaporate. I was left on the edge of space, looking out at the stars, but I knew that there was nothing there. Even if I had a suit on it would be death to jump out. I thought about calling out for mom and dad, but realized they were both gone, and then I fell, just fell off the edge and started dropping past the colony, watching it sink into an explosion. I don't want to go back. Don't want to have to deal with the things that are floating around the shell of a house, the only thing I would want is the picture of everyone together that was taken before dad left, and I have a copy of that in my wallet.

After a bit Tessa got up a bit grumpily and headed out to go to the colony after we talked. She headed out to be our eyes and hands, I said I would wait here with Sparrow, I sit with the three quiet members of my team typing up this journal while she sleeps. The best thing I think would be for her to just not have to deal with this, but it would just be worse if she found out later. I talked to her trying to help with the entire situation, but I don't know if I helped or made it worse. Trying to make her feel better I swore that I would protect Tessa and keep her from losing another parent. It's almost easier to have someone hate you than love you, because a punch is easier to deal with than these hard situations. Maybe when Tessa gets back we can talk about what to do now, I wonder if she's even told her family yet. Mom and the little munchkins are pretty flexible, but how will her family deal with this? I've heard her talk about them in a distasteful way, but they can't be that bad, since Tessa turned out so good. Maybe it's just a way to keep from missing them. I guess I should meet them more than just in passing now that we're sort of legally bound. What are we anyway? I don't remember what the terms were when we signed, I was too angry at the Captain. I'll need to ask sometime what legal obligations we have towards each other families.

We're about to head down to the Drones to see about Sparrow's stuff, I'll write more later

Night of 8/4 - 12 Days after 0026

That was a disaster, after we headed down a little happier than earlier Sparrow played around with the drone until Tessa showed up on the screen, Sparrow led her towards where her house should have been, but of course why should I have expected anything to go right for her? Life decided to be an ass again and take away everything she had of her parents and old life, her house was gone, at the very center of the portion where the colony was torn apart. I tried to distract her from paying too close attention, but she knew already. This wasn't something anyone should have to deal with, let alone a little girl who was trying to find the last remnants of her parents involvement with her life. I told Tessa we were going and took her back to the room, of course she fell into bed and right to sleep, nothing you can do besides try to recover from a shock like that. Soon after the others must have come back because Tessa came in while I was watching over Sparrow with a bag of her stuff. I knew she was probably hungry so I offered to go grab lunch, headed there and made a few sandwiches for everyone, plenty of lettuce and bread for all the little pokemon, and a hearty roast beef sandwich and cheese sandwich for myself, got a variety of other meats for Sparrow and Tessa as I don't know their exact tastes, should ask about that in case I ever learn to cook. Wonder how Leo started cooking. Noticed that everyone at Lunch was quiet, like they were trying to deal with everything. I hope Sparrow can bounce back from this like Oinky bounced after me the entire way to the cafeteria.

Dropped by and Sparrow was up again, thankfully she ate without a complaint, I was afraid that she'd be put off food from the days events, she's a growing girl, she needs to eat. One thing mom always insisted on was full meals, that's one thing I know I can do right, 3 square meals and at least 3 servings of dairy, meat is good, and you need to get some fish in your diet somewhere. Huh, maybe I should be a cook. I'll look into it after I get somewhere with the Rangers. Well I handed out the lunch and started everyone on their meals when Sparrow noticed Tessa's egg was hatching, neither of us even realized, sometimes I think that together we could form a functioning person. Tessa is the brains, I'm the brawn, and Sparrow is the common sense. Funny that the 9 year old is the common sense for her two parents. Well the egg hatched and out popped a little orange and black piggy, tiny little guy, couldn't have been two thirds of a foot long, and the way he wiggled around trying to walk. I hope TRE doesn't realize that baby pokemon are so cute, or they may start sending them out as shields. I wouldn't be able to do anything. Anyway, turns out it is a pokabu, Tessa asked Sparrow what she thought it's name should be and she decided on Eron, it's a surprisingly clever name coming from a little girl. I would've just stuck with Aaron or Erin, but Sparrow mixed the two. Oinky seemed to eye the newcomer and seemed satisfied with his piggy qualities, they should get along well enough. I don't know if Mantle has ever properly met Annae, I hope they get along fine.

I tried to lighten the mood by getting Sparrow to get up and head around the ship with me on a trip to head around the team, first up was Kaz and that model I remember him forgetting about. I headed out, trying to jazz up the trip by racing against Oinky, but I don't know if he was racing too, or just a bit too energetic. He passed by Kaz's room and then nearly smacked into him when Kaz walked out. The model is pretty detailed, but since neither Tessa or I seem to have a knack for finishing them, Sparrow is nearly guaranteed to be able to. We all seem to bounce off the others faults and pluses like a matching set. Kaz mentioned something about finishing up his team, but I didn't get what he meant, well that was until later, but organization is a talent, not sk- err skill not a talent. Besides, I bet that Kaz would be happy to come over and help her. He told me Leo would be in the cafeteria so I headed out towards there and no Leo was in sight, I grabbed some desserts for Oinky and Sparrow while finishing off mine quickly, Tessa came in and started asking for chocolate, I dunno how much chocolate the military gets, but I don't think it's enough for how much she would want. Sparrow slowed down a bit and stayed with Tessa while I headed BACK to Leo's room to find him,

Nearly ran into Bulk, he seemed a bit tired, probably the whole colony visit, too bad I can't just let him hop on me and ride me all day to cheer him up. It always seems to cheer Sparrow up to ride the SamTram, choo choo! I think he agreed to head to the gym one of the other days to see who had been training more, but he didn't seem into it. I don't really know much about peoples families beyond the immediate group of friends, and that doll he was holding doesn't make me think anything good. Headed inside and saw that Brian had a new pokeball, seems that his rare pokemon was real, for real, and really fine, I'm really glad that the real deal was not really in real trouble. Really. Leo was working on another chart, he had Kaz's family listed up, I asked if he had charts for all our families, but he denied it. I think he does, but doesn't want to show me. Tessa hit Leo over something but I never found out what, then I saw the strangest thing. A big red pokemon was watching me from the other side of the room. It was odd at first, but the guy was friendly enough, his eye rolled around inside his head, I think we're sorta similar, got nothing in our heads and enjoy messing with people. Apparently Kaz lost a shiny Duskull in his room and found it again when he was going through his stuff. I'm usually sorta messy, but I've never lost a pokemon before. He doesn't even seem that messy in his room except for maybe one or two models that clutter up his desk now.

Of course to end every day I have to at least try to make myself break down and cry, so I called Tessa out to talk after we got Sparrow back to the room. I'm afraid for her, and I don't want Sparrow to lose her mother. I said in a nutshell that I would do anything to protect her, in the way of shielding her from harm. Of course it came out as me trying to act the noble hero sacrificing himself to save the ones he loves. That wouldn't be a bad way to go, but I don't WANT to die, I was just trying to say that if it came to that. The way things have been going I don't expect to catch any lucky breaks from Lady Luck, in fact I bet she's using our tip jar as a spittoon. Tessa got upset with me and tried to convince me that it was a bad idea, I think I argued enough that she saw some of my logic, but she still wasn't exactly pleased I managed to think of something sensib- not sensible, not entirely irrational. So Tessa pulled the one thing she knew I didn't want, if I would kill someone to save them. It hurts to think about choosing between the lives of people, but I'd do anything in my power to save them. Same goes for Kaz and Leo, Bulk, Brian and the Twins. Now that I've said that I need to think on how far I would go, and where that puts me. Of course I'm trying not to bawl thinking about situations where I would need to kill someone to save Tessa and Sparrow, so she finally gives in and we went back inside to go to sleep. I'm glad Tessa is on our side, she can be really mean if she wants to. But I might be too easy to manipulate too.

Night of 8/5 - Day after the return to 0026

Everyone but Tessa decided to head to the gym, so Kaz decided it would be a good idea to stalk me and get Tom to try and apologize during my Yoga. I was sorta surprised though, Tom came across as a totally different person, as he was talking I think I saw Leo and Kaz watching. They really aren't that stealthy about stuff, but I guess it makes sense. Tom was trying to help, and we are a team now, even if he does still scare me. He gave me a story that made him sound like he wanted to be a ranger when he grows up, but I was sort of wondering, what were his parents doing where a military officer was the first person to respond. I'm trying not to be paranoid, but when you have people that can shoot fire from their eyes and others who can convince the people shooting fire that they should shoot fire at their friends instead, you are stuck at a shitty point. He seemed pretty sincere, and I don't know if going for Fleet Admiral is a bad thing or not, but it sounded like he was trying to keep that a secret, if you have to hide your ambitions from the high ups, it just makes me more wary of them. I talked to him about Tessa but he got all indignant when I tried to say the same sort of things. He talked about how he'd rather get himself killed for a hopeless cause than save one of us. I should turn it back on him, and ask if he would rather have had one parent alive or both dead because the military man tried to save them both and failed. I don't know, that's kinda a dick move, considering I know how that feels.

Sparrow did some stretches too and is pretty quick in 0-g for how long she's been in it. After she finished up working out by doing some space yoga and getting on the machines assisted by me, we went out to lunch. Freeze dried beef and soup, delicious, I grabbed a few bottles of milk for us since we weren't going to work out right after that. I learned real quick that drinking milk and then working out in 0-g is a BAD idea. I had to clean up everything that first time, it was nasty. So I dropped Sparrow off at the room after lunch with a snack in case she got hungry, I made sure to check to see if it was ok to leave Turin, as he is the most docile of the bunch. He agreed to keep her company, or rather didn't object to floating around the room lazily. Headed over to Rangers to help, they said there was some sort of infestation on the ship, I secretly hoped they would be green whatever they were. Spent the early afternoon patrolling around and talking about life with a youngish guy, Ranger Lone I think. I asked around for info about dad, but only got a bit, although it was a bit more than I had before. Apparently dad was working out in the outter colonies before.

Sprinted by the room to check on Sparrow, she was fine and Turin had managed to plop himself on the bed and open one of my bottles of water, big globes were floating around him that he thoughtfully sucked on while Sparrow read some books on history. I hugged her and headed over to Turtle who was working with Kaz on his powers, mostly just had him poke and prod and spin me around till I nearly hurled all over myself. The worst thing was that damn probe, it would float around and then he would jam the controls forward and you'd nearly cry out in pain as it went straight at you. The headlights on the big ole thing blinded me everytime he tried to see if my eyes were pits to a black hole or something. Kaz looked to be having a real fun time, I thanked him again for giving Sparrow the model, it would help her pass the time when we were away. Otherwise a fairly boring night, headed back to the room and grabbed some food with Tessa and Sparrow after they were done having fun, it's only fair, I watched her favorite movie last week without her, but she was kinda stuffy too. Hope Sparrow feels better, because I know you can hide how you really feel behind a mask of energy.

Night of 8/6 - 2 Weeks after

Had another few nightmares, but Sparrow seemed a bit more energetic, so I can only hope that she feels better. Tessa was heading to the gym, so I told them to have a good day and that I'd be by to hang out with Sparrow after Lunch. Got dressed and headed out after breakfast to see what things I would be doing with Turtle today. Headed over to his office and found out I managed to find out that I got him alone, and I would be the sole recipient of his attentions, goodie. I accidentally let slip about my dreams, he took it as a sign of my developing powers and proceeded to quiz me over all the dreams I've had in the past 5 years. I told him about the time I found the colony made entirely of a Machamp Bar in a dream, he wrote down something about de-illusions? Told him about the dreams I've been having and he said that we were just having a hard time. So we got into the tests, he started on some things a little more drastic than before. He asked if I was fine with a little pain, of course I opened my big mouth and said of course, so he pulls out the science kit version of a battery charger and hands me both. I paused to ask what he wanted me to do, but he stepped back and tapped a button. Phew, hurt a bit, but the worst part was that all my limbs tensed up and I would curl into a ball, so I got up and he walked over asking if I was alright, I nodded and started getting up only to have him nod and tap the button again. Oh well, I didn't enjoy standing up in 0-g that much any way. This went on for a little bit, I asked after I was standing up what this was for, he said reaction time and pain tolerance. I never knew I could improve my reaction time by shoving batteries in my mouth. I'll have to see if I can find a little fuzzy spider to try that out with.

Left feeling good about myself, I know what to do in my next off time. Dropped by the cafeteria for some lunch with everyone. The salads were pretty good, maybe one of the cooks did something, I still need to ask Leo about cooking. Tessa said she was heading to Turtle, I warned her about batteries, but I don't think I explained well enough. She headed out with a smile and I downloaded a book on legal terms to skim through so I'll find out some stuff hopefully. Brought Sparrow to the rec room and sat her down in one of the comfier couches. Pulled out my old wallet with all the pictures of the family I've known all my life.I hoped that I wasn't doing this too soon, but she seemed to understand. David and Zach brought up that she wasn't the most social, so what, stupid popular kids couldn't tell a sweet little girl from the back end of a tauros. Reassured her that she was amazing, and pulled out the picture of dad, mom, David, and me. Zach wasn't there yet so it's just us 4. I was a little younger than sparrow, and Dave was really young. She immediately wanted to know about Dad, I looked back on all the memories that I tried to hold onto, and it hurt. It hurt knowing that she'll have to deal with both parents being gone, both her superheroes, her role models, just being gone. I tried to change the subject, but accidentally brought up her mom, tried to help her with it, but I don't think she really forgot. I'll have to ask Tessa to watch over her tonight and try to help.

Went to the gym a little more subdued than normal, worked out and stretched, while Neptune flew laps around my head, I had him try to catch my hand while I ran around. Hopefully he'll soon be just like his namesake and I won't have to worry for him. Oinky is such a strong psychic, I'm afraid that I'll try and force the others to his standards. Ate dinner with everyone and fell into bed, saw Tessa had a book she was reading to Sparrow, I need to do something for her besides working her to the bone, I'll drop by Leo at the kitchen tomorrow.

Night of 8/7 - 15 Days

BACHURU. UGH. They were so cute before, I was thinking of catching one for a little bit, but then they started getting in my clothes and getting in my hair, and getting STUCK in my hair and in my clothes. Don't want to talk about today, it was just work, going around cleaning everything out. Tried the thing I wrote down yesterday, didn't work at all, it just hurt like the devil and I nearly fell down a maintenance tube. I'll call Turtle out on that when I see him again.

Dropped by the kitchen to help clean it out and saw Leo, asked him about learning to cook, all he said was "Uhhh, ok." I'm not sure how to take that, did he not expect me to want to cook? Does he not want to teach me? Was he just busy? I'll try and drop by someday and try to convince them to cook up some mac and cheese.

Lunch of 8/8 - 16 Days

Headed to the gym first thing, as usual I saw Leo and Kaz there. Tessa was on one of her every other day schedules so she was there too.Started going through the usual routine of working out and Yoga, but Kaz seemed interested in a rematch, so we got one of the rings, Oinky versus his new Duskull Char, the red guy is scary strong, took out Oinky without breaking a sweat. I asked for another, so we did Oinky versus his little buddy spider, which I tried not to scream at. Seen too many bachurus around to be happy about seeing another. Oinky managed to do him in, and the Kaz brought out Malik, I got kinda scared at this. Malik is a strong Pokemon, and seems really close to Kaz, but Oinky got lucky and managed to hold out for 2 hits before bringing back a Zen headbutt that brought him a lucky flinch. After the match I challenged Kaz to a real fight, he seemed hesitant, but agreed to it. I was worried that I had been relying on Oinky too much, and needed to show myself I could still dance. Kaz was never a heavyweight, but neither was I, we exchanged a few hits, and I felt the sting of that cold punch. It hurt, but I didn't want to say anything to make him hesitant about fighting. We kept it going until he nearly knocked my block off after screaming something about one punch. I knew he had me down, but I couldn't just stop! I hit him a few more times managing to dodge out of the punches that were a guaranteed KO, and he steps back and pulled a newtype trick, healing himself and getting all his clarity back. No fair. I asked if I could use my bow and he didn't seem against it, so I pull it out and dodge another punch. I screamed something about my father, because at this point I was barely conscious, the blood rushing to my head. I just remember firing a training arrow at his jaw, and hearing a thud as he fell. I thought I had fired the wrong arrow for a second and crawled over to check on him. He was out cold, but seemed fine. Scared the shit out of me, but Leo made some comment about me paying for healing him back up, I knew it was fine. He's really gotten stronger since school, he's a better fighter, and I should have been the one on the ground, it was just my dodging that kept me up long enough for that lucky shot across his jaw. I'll have to thank him for that fight some time, he's busy chatting with Leo, and I still have to head over to the Ranch with Sparrow.

Night of 8/8 - 16 Days

So shitty, I hate how everything works. Freya could be dead along with an entire space station of scientists and others. Found out we changed course from 051 cluster to check out a distress signal. Apparently they picked up an adult guy and either his team, or he kicked the ass of the entire station, but there's still hope, because the beacon hasn't been turned off. So either they don't know about it, or there's a defense of the station. Not much else to say, don't know what to expect, don't know how to expect what we're not expecting except to expect it. Hopefully we get blueprints of the station before we head out. I'll need to see if there are any ducts I can climb into to sneak around. That'd be a nice surprise.

Anyway, went to the Ranch to help out with things, mostly just working with the captured bachuru and other pokemon, but also let Sparrow work with the pokemon again. Things were calm, calmer than they'd be after we found out what had happened at least. She had some glue on her hands from the model, and managed to somehow glue a bachuru to herself. She freaked out, but we managed to calm her and the pokemon down enough to separate them, don't think I'll tell Tessa about this.

Finally headed to Turtle, after getting all the questions and statements organized. Apparently he wasn't trying to improve reaction time, just judge how fast I would seize up, and how much pain I experienced, he asked why I seemed upset, but I tried to avoid the issue. Eventually he found out that I tried to use the bachuru to improve my reaction time. He laughed, a lot. I somehow manage to be the only one in his office whenever I head there, he started up the tests again, and between curling up in a ball, I would pop little quick questions about becoming a professor, maybe a teacher of history. He laughed hard again, until I explained it wasn't for me. Told me that she would need proper schooling and a good college or university. Someday we'll get off this ship, someday we'll have normal lives. Sparrow will get to be a normal girl, and I'll get to worry over how we'll pay the taxes on the house we live in. It'll be normal. Might not be as exciting as getting shot at by crazy people, but at least she won't have to worry about things, and she'll have a chance at a life outside of this damned whole military.

Night of 8/9 - 17 Days into the journey

Today was one of the better days since we set out, started out with breakfast with Tessa and Sparrow, took her to the gym after saying goodbye to Tessa and finishing planning everything out. We decided to take Sparrow on a picnic today since we'll be heading out on the mission tomorrow morning. Worked out a little, just mostly routine for us, Oinky started showing off and doing flips in the air, can't tell if he was showing off to Sparrow or me though. He's a damn fine pig. Cute little space spoink, it's sad that he's such a high restriction, I might think of getting him a whole family with my earnings eventually so he wouldn't be so alone, stuck with a turtle, a little bird, and a space slug. Can't imagine what he was thinking when he saw us for the first time. After a quick lunch I dropped Sparrow off at the room, where Tessa would meet her after she finished up with whichever officer she worked with today. Bounced over to Turtle's to see what was going on, Tom was there, apparently trying to convince Turtle these ludicrous facts, the colony is shaped like a pear, the value of gravity increases the further away you are from a mass. Things that I knew were wrong because Turtle seemed disappointed whenever he didn't believe Tom. He decided that he should test my bodies strength or flexibility, had me string my bow and flex it multiple times, and just continue on for an hour or so. Arms were starting to sag by the end, tough work just aiming at nothing. He mentioned something about a muscle memory and made a few notes about tendency to aim towards a small dot on the wall I hadn't even noticed till he pointed it out.

Headed to the Kitchen after I changed back into uniform and had cleaned the glue used on the neurological sensors off my arms. Tried to see if I could work in the Kitchens for some food to bring to the picnic. Found out they don't like handing out seconds, I made note of that and will try to remember to sneak out some food after every meal. Maybe Leo will have better luck with the cooks, he's been spending time there. And I still need to figure out the stalk of a celery stick from the peanut butter. Headed to Etna's to see if I could get any food from there, managed to buy some meals that seemed better than the rations, also get a bunch of mac and cheese, with extra cheese sauce for Sparrow. Few fruits, a tub of cole-slaw, a fruit drink, a few rolls, and some fresh turkey. All together it was only four thousand, well worth it. Down to thirty thousand and two hundred, but it left enough for later. Headed over to the room, where Tessa took the food and asked that I wear something nicer. But I didn't have anything nicer, she let me borrow a simple sundress, it was nice, and didn't really restrict me, but I had to sit with my legs to the sides, that was a bit annoying. After I changed we headed down to the ranch together, pulling Sparrow along between us, after we got a nice spot a bit off from most of the pokemon we sat down with the assistance of handholds and magnets.

Man, I never knew that Tessa had such a big family. I remember people talking about her family like they were important but I never knew you could have a third cousin twice removed be considered a close relative. I didn't understand half the things she said, I don't know if she even met half the people she described, it'll be interesting to see them when we head back by the cluster they're in. She said that she was treated like a doll the other day, I don't know how I can make her feel better about that, so I just tried to get her to realize that David and Zach wouldn't treat her kindly at all when she meets them. The little munchkins would tear her apart I'm sad to say, but if it would help her feel like part of the family, it would help I guess. Oh damn, I never sent off that letter I was writing after we adopted Sparrow, I'll need to finish that soon. The picnic went really smoothly, Sparrow seemed happy about the macaroni, but even I saw she was really sad too. After we finished up talking about family and the food, we watched as a few of the Bachuru were getting trained by Susan. We both shuddered as we watched, but Sparrow seemed a bit more confident. While we walked back to the room, I hoped that we could do stuff like this more often, as a family. I wonder if we'll ever see Leo and Kaz's folks. Tom mentioned his family working on a science station, so I don't think we'll worry about running into them. Dropped Sparrow off at the room and Tessa read her a bit more of the Greatest Adventure, I think it was called. I really like the wizard in it, he's so cool sounding. Sparrow was snoozing before she even finished another chapter, Tessa stopped reading and decided to talk to everyone else during dinner. I changed back into my uniform and hung up her dress. Watched Sparrow sleep for a minute or two and then decided to check out the shop to stock up on equipment before the mission.

Was browsing through stuff and found a few things I might need, never know when you might need a laser pointer to silently point out something, got a nice climbing kit with hooks to secure myself to places I can hook up a rigging, finally a set of 2 magnets, trying to decide how I'll work these into a grab and retrieve system, but I know it'll work at least a little bit. Noticed they had in a cute little psychic up for grabs. But 80k and 60k was out of my price range, so I kept browsing until Tom came in and he seemed to look at the Kirlia and Ralts too. Neither of us had enough on our own, so we split the cost, he seemed really eager to let me get the Ralts, and when she was brought out I nearly hugged it. It looked up and just seemed amazed, asked if I was a new friend. I said yeah and picked her up, cute little thing weighs next to nothing and just sat in the crook of my arm. Mantle came over and they seemed to get along well enough. Named her Gwen, because it means something close to white bow, and she's got a fair bit of white on her. I dropped by the ranch after hanging around with Gwen, getting familiar with her. Let her stay in the ranch with mantle, I'll bring her to the room in the morning before the mission.

Like I said, one of the better days I've had in a while. Hopefully tomorrow isn't too big of a shitpile, we already know the situation is bad, just how bad we'll have to find out. Samantha Wellmark, signing off.

Early Morning of 8/10 - 18 Days into the Journey - Day of Science Station Rescue Mission

Sitting in the Ranch after helping feed some of the pokemon who were staying here. I'm tired and I feel like someone is watching me, just another reason to not go back to sleep. So I go to sleep fairly happy about the day, satisfied that today would go our way for once, and I wake up in space, but it wasn't space, and everyone but Leo was there, I think Tom was naked. So we get to watch our colony get blown up, and then suddenly, BAM, swamp. Tried to catch a poliwag, but they got away. Wondered what was going on for a bit before we found ourselves looking at two herds of extinct pokemon. What. I'm fairly sure at this point it's a dream, so I go to make friends with the big headed guys, but turns out there were a bunch of giant persians waiting to eat them. Kaz nearly gets killed but the styler pulled through and they skulked off without killing us. So then we nearly get splattered across the plains by a meteor, except the meteor wasn't a meteor and we weren't in the plains anymore. It's Earth and the meteor is a colony. And TRE is behind it all. I'm trying to wake myself up, it just isn't working, so we meet this person thing who apologizes for showing us that, whoops, not a dream. So I wake up, little after three thirty in the morning, get dressed and see that Tessa is awake too, walked out and motioned for her to come too, it definitely wasn't a dream, she was there too, those people were there, they weren't just made up. TRE wants to drop a colony on Earth and destroy our home. Tessa went back to sleep, and after I checked that Sparrow was fine went to the Ranch. Helped feed pokemon that were on the night shift, didn't want to wake up Gwen or Mantle, I'll see them later. Should I tell the Captain about this, maybe Turtle? I'll be seeing him after the mission anyway, might as well talk then. I need to eat something, my eyes are getting heavy just sitting and typing.

Morning of 8/11, 19 Days Out, Day after Encounter with D

Bluhhh, it's 5 AM and I just woke up. Stumbled out of the room after getting dressed, don't think I woke up Tessa or Sparrow. Woke up in my t-shirt and shorts, so I think Tessa was still there when I came in, or however I arrived, don't remember much beyond the conversation Tom and I had. It's funny how close our thought processes are, but one difference can make us seem completely different. He feels like nobody should get hurt, and I feel like I should take the burden instead of everyone else. He sees the team as a whole, and I see the team as a group working together, each person contributing what they can do. Essentially the same, but in practice completely different. Anyway, getting off track. Start from the beginning. Mmm, this donut is pretty tasty, I'll need to remember that vending machine.

We all met filing into the briefing room where we went over what was going to happen with the mission, felt too early and too late at the same time. Station was a weird thing, 6 discs on the whole thing, turns out we got the easy job this time, we would be able to retreat, almost feels like an insult, after the last mission that we proved we could handle ourselves, then they return to square one where it seems like we can't be trusted, or I'm just over thinking it and the other two teams were better suited to the two ends and we were the most adaptable. Left Gwen and Mantle at the Ranch and had told Sparrow that she could go down when she woke up. Leo mentioned the dream, odd since he wasn't there with us, maybe he had a different one. He seemed to know we had one and was pretty dead on about it too. Tessa and Leo think it's the real deal, Kaz and Tom both sort of disregarded it since it didn't matter immediately. I don't know what to think, maybe I'll just do what I do best. Not think about it.

We got inside fine, place still had atmosphere. Smelled weird when I opened my visor, I turned off my lights and tried to move along quietly. It's hard to be sneaky when the emergency lights keep showing where you are though. Tom seemed rather upset at the prospect that Freya might be hurt, or that she might hurt someone, I'm not sure which, but he's definitely not going to let them do something to her without hell to pay. Doubt any of us would, she's sort of our counterpart, the TRE AC that we could have been. If we hadn't been with the Admiral, and just been shipped out to another colony and been told that the military did it, what would I have done. Damn, scary to think that if I hadn't followed the twins, hadn't cared enough what they were doing, that I could be fighting against Kaz, Leo, Tessa, and Tom. Would Sparrow be fine if I had made one change in my routine that day? Ugh, I'm thinking about things, I can't know everything, but I do know one thing. I'm with good people, maybe not the higher ups, but everyone, the Captain, Suzan, Turtle, I don't think they would steer me wrong. Turtle might want to go a bit more in depth to AC studies than I'd like, but he's just quirky.

We continued on, the station deathly silent, found a man who had been dead, nothing we could do. As we continued on though, pokemon followed up and sounded like they ate something. I wasn't hesitating this time, I hit one with an arrow and the fights started up again. We managed to take out two, but Tessa got hit by one pretty bad. Then the big momma showed up, I thought I would be clever and slip past it trying to get it to turn around and leave it's back unprotected, but it just ignored me and fired off a beam of energy that thankfully didn't hurt everyone too bad, it was my mistake to separate myself without trying to aggravate it more. They took it out and I made my way back over, got an egg (Which I'd find out later was an egg) and we continued on.

Next part wasn't good at all. We found where most of the people were, and why the air tasted weird. They were just torn apart, shreds of clothing floating around. We moved around one of the discs and I thought I saw something move, so I head in, Kaz follows. But apparently the grimers didn't watch enough horror movies before heading here so they went after Kaz. We pulled him back before he was eaten and it turned out that the entire place was crawling with them. Good thing we had Oinky, Olivia and the others, their brain lasers were powerful enough to take out the blood sludges pretty fast, and we eventually got back out into the hallway. We met up with Team A in another of the discs. Good thing they didn't grab Kaz, one of the guys there lost part of a leg to the muks. I don't think that him losing a limb would have a positive impact on his fighting. They stayed there to clean out the last bit of them, and we continued on to the last unexplored sector of the station while Team B was doing stuff on the other end.

Oh damn, it wasn't anything before, we found Freya surrounded by a pool of blood and body parts, she was messed up something awful, and Lord D enjoyed it. I just wanted to kill him, it was disgusting how thoughtless and cruel he was towards her. I got my chance after he smacked me, turned around and grabbed the fuckers throat. Looking back I sort of lost control, but this was crossing the line. Managed to get a good squeeze in, it scares me that it felt good, but I felt like I would be able to stop it then and there, just keep pressing down until the slimy scumbag stopped hurting everyone. But I must have freaked out right then realizing what I was doing and he pulled both my hands away, and grew two new arms to try and do the same to me. Dissolving into blood is pretty intense shit, but so is shooting ice out of your hands. Growing new limbs? That's a whole different level. Managed to keep from signing off right then and there, and guess who comes down to join the party. Tom. I really was wrong about him, twice. I mean yesterday later I found out but I'm trying to keep this in some semblance of order because I don't want like 50 entries per day.

Tom came down to help, managed to piss mister D off a little too. Lord Douche ran off and a Muk started coming up from the blood. Team tried to deal with the blood, but it didn't do much, and soon enough, it fought back, tried to grab me with all these groping reaching arms, I managed to wriggle out, but I turn around to see Tom getting dragged under. I wish that I could have been closer, maybe I could have helped him. Turns out it would work in his favor though, he managed to get out of the arms grip in a split second, while the others were fighting the Muk. Oinky was having the damnedest time trying to fry the thing though, after taking out all those others, I thought he woulda been done with this guy so fast. But he just couldn't get it together, we all have those days. As I proved as I ran over to Tom to try and help him with D, but only managed to flail at him not doing shit, he was a slippery thing, and being able to grow arms does help, but in the end, I was too eager to fight him, should've calmed down. The fucker attacked Freya AGAIN, after she says something along the lines of get rid of the blood. I don't know what he did to her but he'll never hurt her again. Tom asked me to grab hold, and I did, thinking he had a plan of attack, but instead he got us both thrown clear of D, don't know why he thought I didn't want to be right there attacking, but hindsight it was the right thing to do.

D got pissed when his Muk was beaten, and decided that fighting like a coward wasn't enough, he nearly drowned Tessa, and when Kaz jumped in after me, nearly drowned him too. I swear he needs to focus on his dexterity and not just punching things HARDER. They both get thrown out, pretty hard I might add, looked like they got hurt. And D thinks he's clever, talking big, shoots a goddamn spear out of his body, that barely missed me, then one that missed Leo. I wonder if it hurt him, beyond just using his blood as a weapon, did he feel it? Could he feel every attack? Was he so invested in whatever plan that he was tearing himself apart just to miss hitting us with such costly attacks? Kaz's baby torchic evolved out of nowhere standing like a big angry firechicken, it isn't as cute now. So it's evident he's gone off the deep end now, screaming of how he's immortal and how something is coming to kill us all. The Colonel slips on some blood, bruising his ego a bit more, I'll need to talk later to him. Thought that he would change if only he realized what he was doing, for that I had needles shoved through my hand, still hurts, but I can deal. He gets a punch from Kaz too who follows suit and fired off another spear at Kaz, missed even though he was right there, first real evidence that he was losing hard. He continued rambling, scaring the shit out of me, seemed like he was a dead man walking.

It was time to change things up, while they fought I jumped over to help with Freya while Leo got her out of the tank. She looked bad, and right then the two other teams come in guns blazing, getting needles back at them everywhere. They got behind cover and the fight continued, Freya was real bad, didn't even feel warm when I was by her, and she had all these cuts that shouldn't have been there, unless they were doing something real bad. Lord D was gone at this point, just mumbling and then jumps over to the window to space, to nothing, calling out closer closer closer. Kaz gives chase, and at this point I'm not sure he was even awake, was I like that when I was choking him? I had asked for the fight to stop earlier, but nobody would, this wasn't something you could fight and then just stop. Kaz chases him up and manages to not get killed, and I can't do anything to help, I just missed with my arrow and had to watch it happen. I watched as D just exploded onto him, blew him back off the window and onto the ground. I thought he was dead, thought Freya was dying, thought that I had failed.

How long until something bad happens, how long until we slip up and one of us gets killed? The only thing that can stop us from failing is to direct the hurt onto someone. Someone will be getting hurt from this, and I know I'm the one who needs to hold that burden. I looked at those spears, wondering if I would survive a hit like that, thinking if they could patch me up afterwords, realizing that I was a foot away from being thrown back and pinned to a wall. It scares me, but with such a risk of one of the others being the one hit instead, I'd rather deal with time as a loaded gun, than a ticking bomb. A more portioned pain over time can be dealt with, the loss of one of my friends I wouldn't be able to handle.

We headed back, I just sat there shocked at what had happened. We showered and cleaned up, got fixed up if we needed to and met back, apparently they would both be fine, but I had to think, what happened there to all of us. That wasn't fine, we all went a little crazy, Tom stabbed a knife through a mans head, if he wasn't so creepily mutated he would be dead, I tried to choke the life out of him, tried to murder him, Kaz went nuts, the only two reasonable people were Tessa and Leo. They said everything would be alright, as they cleaned up a station where one man killed every person but Freya, and then exploded into chunks of meat, nearly killing another man, my friend. What cause is worth this, what did he have to defend that was worth this.

They started talking about something, something that can destroy colonies and stations without a problem, that's what D was waiting for. They seem perfectly calm with this, even though there is no longer a safe place in the system if they find out where you are staying. You can never stop moving. We can never stop moving Freya and everyone important, or they'll call down a star to shoot through your home, just like the tore open our home. I tried to discreetly mention our dream when something was hit on, but Leo blurted out "WHAT WAS THAT SAM?" So I had to explain that I was interested in sharing my dream with the class, goddamnit Leo I thought you were the smart one. Did you ever even pass notes during school? How did you get through chemistry without going insane? After a therapy session due to the dreams they found out about, I finally got to head to see Sparrow, the single thing that was keeping me from just curling up.

She's there, and she's what I'll fight for, and damnit every time she calls me Momma I want to just burst into tears and hug her. She was fine being at the Ranch, apparently Gwen and Mantle had an egg with them, Tom showed up soon after, I explained a little bit when I let slip that the team nearly got killed by a hyper beam. He came for the egg, like we agreed, but I didn't want to let him just take it from Gwen and Mantle, so I argued a bit before Suzan said she could keep it there and we could both come in and watch over it, I let her keep the Sharpedo egg too. Said I was gonna go sleep, but he seemed disappointed so I poked and he wanted to talk. Didn't have anything else to do, so I agreed, took Sparrow back to the room and said hey to Tessa, headed back after a few looks from other officers as they noted my train of pokemon. At this point I wanted to just curl up in bed and drift into a nightmare, what I guessed it would probably be. So I sit down next to Tom and we start talking, he starts thanking me for letting him keep his head on straight, after I was so impressed that he ran in.

The talk continues on and I find out he's pretty backwards in some ways, but in the right direction. Talks about Freya like he's known her a long time, but maybe it's one of those things, can't really judge him, I've known Sparrow nearly 20 days now? He wants the team to work together, I feel like I work better alone, I don't know how Leo will see it, but he's the one with the stitches and rubbing alcohol, if he doesn't like my plans the fastest way to get me to stop will be stop fixing me up when I fall down and scrape my knee. Wouldn't get far without any of them, seems that Tom is included now too. He acts like me, and tries to think differently. I stand by it before, he'd be a good ranger. Started talking about cooking after he mentioned Leo and I regretted not asking before he became team leader, I think he offered to help, I'll ask later today again. Talked about his past, since mine and the rest are already laid out, home gone, people we were closest to living across the halls, not that much else to share.

He said he had a rival, I pushed in deeper and found out that his rival WAS a fighter, he was just trying to distract me and didn't want to fight earlier. I'll have to ask the twins to see if they can catch him practicing his moves, maybe he practices by himself in his room. Apparently his rival has a beedrill, and he has the opposite, a Butterfree, kinda awesome if you think about it, float like a butterfree sting like a beedrill. I remember thinking of scytheguy bugs? But then I was just watching. I could heard children laughing, sitting on a planet, a planet with a large moon. The children were playing and over the other side there were adults too dancing an old dance. One that I felt was old. The world seemed cold in the night, but the people dancing and the shadows dancing on the huts seemed so warm, welcoming, like home. Someone took me up from just thinking and danced with me, the children played in the background as I could feel him hold me. The night blurred by, the party continuing for some reason, drinks, stories, and laughter had all around. Then at some cue, we just stripped, I remember thinking that I should feel embarrassed, but I wasn't, this wasn't a shameful thing, it was fine. The boy, who danced with me grins as he gains his marking, like an Ekans, and then it is my turn, I could feel the cool paint drying on my skin, as he finishes the shape of the Wargle, and I know that it feels right. Courage, and Bravery, things I aspire for, granted like a title, or a name. And down the line he went.

I woke up, it didn't feel like a sleeping dream, felt like a dream you wish for. Like your hopes for a life you could live. A home where I could stay and look up at the stars. I remember hearing about the native tribes on Earth, and the Wargle. I'll look up information, maybe ask in the letter to mom if we're related to them in any way. I just don't feel right disregarding it like any other dream. The others seemed fine with ignoring a dream that was clearly something more. I can't disregard a dream where everything else was clearly something less.

Gonna try and get a few more hours of sleep so I don't get too messed up on a bad schedule. Feels like today is going to be a good day, even after yesterday. Hopefully we'll get a chance to talk to Freya again.

Night of 8/11, 19 Days out, Before heading out to Turtle

Woke up the second time earlier than usual, just did some doodling on my PDA. After a bit Tessa and Sparrow woke up and we hit the gym. Most everyone was there, even Kaz. Tessa was working with Bitey, hopefully Turin will show him up. I always liked better out of the two. She mentioned in passing that Tom brought me by and said she thought it was sweet. I don't really know what to think, never really had anybody like that. Good friends, usually nothing more. Whatever, I don't have to worry about that for a good while anyway.

Headed over to Turtles and saw Leo, apparently he headed over for a dream too. Don't know if it was the big dream or a different one. Leo asked about counseling, and seemed like he wanted to head out. Turtle said we should come back tonight and then we could actually sleep, and use this time for counseling. Something about breaking into a dream world where the natives back on earth talked about? Dunno, too far past ordinary tech to explain to me. Tried to talk to Leo, but he seemed like he wanted to be someplace else, mentioned the Admiral and said we could talk later. Nothing to do but wait until he wants to talk.

After I headed out, looked around for Kaz after stopping by the room to check on Sparrow, told her that I'd be by in a minute to hang out. Finally found Kaz after looking through most of his usual haunts, the gym, the ranch, the cafeteria, he was sitting in his room working on a model. Seemed distracted, even after stopping from the hobby. Tried to crack a joke but looking back it might have been in bad taste. Tried to get him to at least open up by talking about myself, then turning his advice around. He seems really uncertain about what to do too. To the point where he thinks I'm smarter than he is. HA! He started talking about protecting those close to you disregarding ideals to prevent harm coming to them. Let slip that he sounded like dad, he's been on my mind a lot, maybe looking up family wasn't such a good idea. He told me not to sell myself short, and I told him to do the same, hopefully he realizes that comparing him to dad means more than just saying a few lines. Asked him to go by and talk to Tessa, so they don't get in any more of a tangle. After the mission they both seem upset at the other for different reasons. I'm easy to figure out compared to Tessa, she's got loops and twists in her mind, but I guess you have to to be a psychic. I let him get on with the model, just hope that he listens more than I do.

Headed back and grabbed Sparrow, told her I was talking with Kaz and headed over to the recreation room and grabbed a game to play while I looked up stuff on the ships network. I'm a little upset that Wargles are rank 3/4, it'll be hard to find one, let alone maybe have one. Like Turtle said, they were a symbol of Pride and Courage with the native tribes of America, and the national bird of the USA. Coincidentally found out dad's side of the family came from there. Traced back the Wellmark family up to the late 19th century, apparently I've got a bit of English blood. Wells and Mark families back in Somerset got together, and then went over to America apparently. Mom's side was a bit harder to find out about, but still no relation to the tribes at all. Apparently they were in the chalk business, somehow Chilton headed down from England from waaaaay back and her mom married into the family. So I'm looking at like five eighths British, the rest just germanic stuff. Needless to say without my full attention Sparrow was trouncing me in Guess Who. But I think she was standing up when I was reading and looking at my little people. Paid special attention but she still beat me handily. Guess I'm just not that good at the game. Dropped her off at the room and told Tessa to go on ahead in the Hobbit without me, I'd pick up the sequels to it later. Time to head to Turtle and see what happens.

Night of 8/12, 20 Days out, Before heading to Turtle's AGAIN

Well the previous night was interesting. Turtle gave Tessa, Leo, and me a bit of tea that was a tad stronger than I expected (still better than coffee), and hooked us up to some machines. And as quick as it started, we woke up. Nothing really happened. He seemed upset and told us to come back later, tonight, like a few minutes from now. So I'm just writing this up before we head, tucked Sparrow in and made sure she was fine. Anyway, today, it was a nice day.

Woke up and already had some stuff to do, took another block of recreation and spent the time with Tom as he tried to teach me some of the basics of how to cook. Helped a bit with the lunch crowd, and I didn't see anyone throwing up, so I must not have done anything TOO wrong. It's kinda funny how simple things are when someone is helping you, then you head out on your own and freak out as you realize you don't know what you're doing. Apparently Mac and Cheese has a lot more stuff than I thought, or he was teaching me the fancy way to do it. Cream, salt, mustard? Stuff I didn't know about. I tried it and it was really good. I'll try and drop by maybe by myself asking to help. Tom seems so different from when we first met. He doesn't have such a pronounced stupid accent and is a lot more relaxed, more personable. I can see how he can be persuasive, thankfully I feel I can trust him to not try and go too much against the grains and force me or someone else to do something too drastic.

Headed to the Rangers after a brief lunch. After working with some of the remaining bachuru to shoot out synchronized nets I got called in to the Head Ranger's Office. I thought they found out about me bringing aboard the little fuzzy fellow. I was sweating bullets as I stood in a salute in front of the desk. He told me to sit down, and I think I started apologizing for something before he stopped me. Said the Captain recommended me for special training courses. I really didn't know what to say, so I just nodded dumbstruck. I mean I've only given the Captain a hard time since I've been here. He's watched over us and probably taken shit for it, no matter how much we talked back, he was always there, forgiving, or at least forgetting my last outburst. I need to think of some way to help him. They ran me through a few tests for strength, endurance, dexterity, perception, memorization, and social interactions, and it seems that I passed, because I'm now an official Special Operations Ranger. It's really exciting, crazy that I'm actually part of the rangers now. But then I realize what else it means, I won't be leaving the military after this is over. Even if this is all settled down, I won't have a place to go to. I'm in it to the end now, as long as everyone else gets to go home, I think I'm fine with that. I'll be looking through the new equipment available to me. Wondering what I can do with the new position and title.

Headed to the gym, hope that Tessa took Sparrow earlier so she doesn't miss out on anything. Tom was there working with Shannon, she's so young, yet already so grown up, seems to have aged faster than Mantle. Asked him about a fight, was sorta pumped, but no dice. Turns out Josef is a fighter, but Tom isn't. Got onto the topic of the Twins and I found out he didn't know where Josef had headed out to. I wish I could help, maybe use my new rank to see if I can pull a few files. He said the twins saw him carrying me back to my room. Seems like he was going to talk to them, but couldn't because of me. I feel sort of bad. Hope that he can find his friend. I'd hate to be lost from everyone, just like that.

At dinner we all got to meet Zero for the first time, he can talk now, like talk talk! He said that he was Zero, but he was so proud of it. I wonder what Oinky would say, I guess when Gwen gets a bit older she can just tell me. If that's how it works. All these psychics are so crazy, just poking into minds and going around. Leo seemed really proud of him. I joked about Tessa starting a psychic club and getting a big hat, apparently Bulk took this as hedging into his territory and claimed he was the biggest. Well this wouldn't stand with me, so I yelled back that we could fight, and so tomorrow morning we decide. Who is the biggest. Well, gotta head out, Tessa is ready and Sparrow is sleeping.

Night of 8/13, 3 Weeks out, Day after the newest Shared Dream

Man, this day. Was amazing and bad at the same time. Dream started off with two dark figures standing side by side, mumbling, couldn't quite make out what was being said. I hoped that I would show up in the dream with the tribe, but no luck. We eventually uncovered each other and it turned out it was just us three, Leo headed out and we followed. It was odd that we were in full gear, and appeared to have all our pokemon, but it was a dream, doesn't have to make sense. Walked out into this massive place, huge castle, must have been the thing that Sparrow dreamed about, I was worried that she might be somewhere so I headed up. It was easy since I didn't have to worry about scraping myself up or hurting myself. It was a dream after all. Got on top and realized that even though it was a dream, still was cold as hell. Rain pelting against me, I yelled out for her, hoping she wasn't lost in the woods in the rain. My voice was drowned out, like a hopeless whistle in a thunderstorm. I need to remember to pick up some flares or a flare gun from the store. It would be great if I could remember these things more than once or twice a day. Headed back down and Leo and Tessa were looking around at something, so I just headed past them and walked to a bunch of cute little things. Like white floating fairies, they have these little hands and feet, with little stubby wings, and teeth like they just got finished with a cherry shake. They all gathered around like they were interested in me, but one started chattering and it hurt my head. I picked him up to try and calm him down, the others didn't really like that. He seemed fine with me though and stood in front like a short little knight.

Leo and Tessa knocked most of them out, I didn't want to fight, but these things happen. Then some sort of bigger one showed up and we all woke up. I looked around for the little Guy and apparently he showed up here too! Popped out of this little fruit thing and chattered at me happily, he's so precious. So energetic and always wiggling around. Turtle was so excited, but I had to go meet Bulk so he didn't think I chickened out. Turtle was so upset but I eventually got let go after promising to come back later. Headed over to the gym and met up with Bulk, let Guy sit on the sidelines watching. The fight went worse than I hoped, better than I feared. He really is big, but I managed to get a few good punches in, the strangest thing was he seemed to let a punch just miss near the end. Didn't even try to hide it, it just moved away as he punched. Of course he couldn't have me just winning, so he pulled back his meaty fist and that's the last I remember. Woke up to him helping me up. Congratulated him and tried to keep some of my ego intact remembering everything dad taught me about the bow.

Headed back to Turtle's with a sore jaw and a happy little Guy. We went over tests with him for a good while. Turtle asking him to lift things, run towards me. And other things. It was quite boring and I just wanted to go do something else, but I said I would let him. Eventually got let out before the unofficial second half of the afternoon started so I ran over to the Ranch with guy, hoping Tom was still there. Seemed to notice Guy pretty fast. I tried to explain that he's from our dreams, but it's fine because that proves we can change things. Let Gwen Mantle and the rest out to see Guy, they seemed hesitant, but they'll warm up I think. Mantle and Gwen were so adorable sitting by their egg keeping it warm. After sitting for a bit, the Twins arrived asking for their Rattatas. Tome asked about the files, but apparently even the Twins have limits. They found out about a big shipment of stones that were coming in, and ask about the story they printed. A nice little thing about Tom helping me back because I was tired. But then they mentioned it again, saying they just made that up, I asked, and they might have drawn the conclusion that Tom was taking me someplace else. I was glad they had already printed the right story, but then sort of went the other way when Tom seemed upset by the prospect. I know that it would be unprofessional, but UGH. I don't know.

Stopped by the Head Rangers office and figured out I would be running through 0-g simulations obstacle courses. It was hard, but it become like 4 times as hard when I had to do it blindfolded, after being shown the course a few times. Special Operations isn't just a title I figured out. I need to be able to do anything the situation calls for. They gave me my own little ear mounted scanner that allows me to check up on certain things. Sort of like the space suit PDA built in adapters, but better. I can use it to check on pokemon so see how hurt they are. Saw some different suits of padding and armor, I'll need to ask sometime, but first the basics. The best way to enter into a room in 0-g is feet first, always see the enemy as down, and work your way down in that method. Never discount a fallen enemy until it can be verified that they are actually out of the fight. Be aware of everything, and be wary of everything. If all else fails don't be afraid to call for help, but there will be situations where I can't call for help. In those you must only trust in your comrades and your own abilities.

Headed to dinner, just ready to enjoy something monotonous like eating. Leo and Kaz burst in nearly yelling at each other. Seems that Kaz was scribbling on Leos stuff, but Leo was really upset about it. More than normal Leo upset about it. More upset about that than me disobeying his orders. I followed him over and started talking, tried to explain how Kaz probably felt, but disregarded how Leo felt. He's been holding so much back these weeks, and I haven't seen it. He's been hurting just as much as everyone else, and had to deal with leading us on top of it. I'll talk to him about my role, considering I'll be getting training based around solo operations probably. I haven't heard of teams of Spec Ops Rangers, just maybe a few or solo operatives. Anyway, Kaz seemed like he wanted to throw away the remnants of that battle, while Leo was still simmering it over. I'll try and talk to him when we hit the next colony. With everyone I've been going around to the person I haven't really talked to at all is Tessa, the person I'm closest to besides Sparrow. It's going to be hard balancing everyone and everything with such a small day. Leo seemed fine, but I'll have to see over the next few days, after all, he seemed fine when I saw him at Turtles. Dinner went by smoothly and Guy really showed an appetite, maybe more than Oinky! Told everyone to have a good night and headed back to the room. Tucked Sparrow in and told her I loved her. It was hard the first few times, getting over that initial bump of telling someone that I loved them, honestly and truly loved them. But it's true. I love these crazy people like a family, didn't really know how Tom would fit in before, but he's slowly getting hung on me. Don't really know how the others feel. Only time will tell. Night Tessa, Night Sparrow.

Night of 8/14, 22 days out, Arrival at the resort colony

Well that was certainly an interesting day. Morning starts off with us finding out about the colony being a resort colony, so most of the people on the ship are in the shop buying things for their leave. Turns out they got in a bunch of pokemon stuff too, because after we left from buying swim suits Tessa and Tom evolved their pokemon. Leo got the cutest thing too, a pokemon with two heads, and I'm still not sure which one is the right one I should talk to. Got Sparrow a nice green suit to head to the beach in. Kaz had something to do, or was tired, I don't think Tessa was being entirely truthful, but there must have been a good reason. Was so glad to finally just relax with everyone. Spend time with Sparrow and Tessa, but I hate going out of order in these journals, makes things so confusing.

We headed out, I grabbed a few emergency snacks and we snagged some bikes. Tandem for either Tessa or me and Sparrow. They're actually harder to ride than they look, but I hope Sparrow didn't mind, she said she didn't know how to ride. Maybe I can see about getting a bike and teaching her sometime. That won't work, zero gee doesn't seem like the best place to learn how, when you never fall down. Fall down to get back up, story of my life. We rode on until we ran into a fishing spot and it turns out that everyone sorta wanted to fish a little, I didn't feel like sitting there waiting for a bite, so I was going to jump in and try catching one the old fashioned way. Guess who was already there, Gesine! It was nice seeing someone normal for once, made me feel like I had people I could relate to outside of the military. She nearly battled Tom after she found out that I wanted the poliwag egg she had, but I had promised it to him. Asked her if it was allowed to just jump in, turns out that it isn't cause she tried it before. Oh well, some places just can't appreciate the simpler things.

Turns out she loves Feebas for some reason, and after Tessa and Tom caught several pokemon and let some go, Tom caught a Feebas. Tessa fought with a Staryu, but Bitey hit it pretty hard, it looked bad for a second before it floated off. After they all got settled Tom and Gesine went at it, I tried to warn him, but he thought he could beat her, and it was his decision. They get in a battle and it got pretty intense, I feel like everyone is passing me up in skill, and Bulk had just showed me my place in the ring. Shannon grew up really fast, and Gesine wasn't the easiest person to fight against, took out Shannon right at the end, they had Leo declare the winner. She gave me the poliwag egg for some reason, I thought I was trying to convince him not to fight. Am I really that bad at convincing people? Registered the egg and she took us over to a restaurant she was covering, I even lost a bike race against her. Today just wasn't my day it would turn out.

Kaz showed up finally, so that was a relief. She asked about Guy and I realized how odd it really is to have him just hanging around, but she didn't seem to mind that much, so I guess there isn't really a problem. I guess she does go through a lot of gyms, because she had enough money to pay Tom for his shellder, and then pay for all our meals, even Guy's four plates. Had a 'practice' battle with the waiters, turns out they didn't know this was just for fun, since we don't really get time outside of training to go get shot at to fight for fun. Al and Neptune got stomped thoroughly, and I don't think either of us were too happy about it, got a rematch later that we won, but later. Tessa and Kaz fought against the two waiters and stomped them, but they were going a bit harder than we did. I just wanted to punch that smug stupid accented dude in the face. I would rather get shot at then have to listen to him talk. DID YOU NOT HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL? HOW DO YOU PLAY HOOKIE WHEN THE ENTIRE STATION IS MONITORED?! Anyway, Tessa fought against Gesine with Annae and she proved she was worthy, then Kaz went up against her again. And I think he nearly killed her little snorunt. She got it to the center in time, but it was still scary to watch. After that, Turin and Zero got their chance at revenge at the stupid accent guy and the other waiter. Turin must have been distracted because he missed a lot, but Zero pulled through. Leo is more dependable every time I battle with him, but I might just be falling behind again. Turin seemed to grow and evolved into a big torterra, and Neptune flapped up from the table and evolved on top of his big tree. Slowly all my pokemon are getting bigger than me, hahah, it's only a matter of time before I'm the shortest again. Guy fought a short battle, and he helped me get my spirits up again. Just like he does best, never gets down, never sad, just eager and ready to go. I don't think that Leo likes Guy, I do, and I think he'll see eventually. Went to heal everyone up and make sure they were fine.

Gesine was there but she seemed fine, and said she needed to head out. I think we agreed to pay for her meal next time. We headed down to the beach and all got into our swimsuits. Tom…Tom had bought a golden speedo. I don't know if I should laugh or feel sorry, it was just so… Dug a castle for Turin to rest in, just laze in the sun, Tessa seemed content to just sit there. Sparrow helped with the castle and I couldn't help but feel content. They both relaxed in the sun, and shade, when Tom and Kaz came over, Kaz thanked Tessa for something, but I didn't get the chance to ask before I left. Well, ran after Bulk who challenged me to a race. We swam out to a buoy, and started diving down, for something, can't really remember what it was for. Just started heading down, but I can't hold my breath as long as some people, might have been from that lung infection when I was younger, but I managed to head down pretty fast, kept seeing these big rocky fish, and some pokemon that were sleeping in shells. They were cool, but what really got my attention was when I went down, I saw a lady, scuba diving pretty far off. I couldn't see her face, but for some reason she just seemed familiar. I surfaced and went back down looking for her, but she was gone. Told Bulk and he laughed. Acted like I was joking about a mermaid, but I was being serious. Oinky was getting tired being out there for so long so I let him go back with Bulk and I kept looking with Guy. Saw some other swimmers and divers, but couldn't find the lady again. After a while I was getting tired, but I really wanted to see who it was, grabbed the help of a funny big rocky fish with my styler. He helped me around but we couldn't find her, so I headed back to shore, promising him snacks for helping me. As I got closer I heard them yelling for me, let the rockfish go after he said he didn't want any snacks, and met a new addition to Tom's team. An odd little fish that seemed sad and wouldn't stop wiggling.

Bulk showed up and told them all about the joke he came up with, I didn't think it was very funny, but Leo seemed like he took it seriously. We headed up to go eat, I noted that Tessa and Kaz bought matching jackets, while Sparrow has a new pink one. The twins were coming over to eat, but were doing something so they showed up late after we had already nearly finished. Bulk's Maku evolved and is now bigger than me too. Guy seemed to chow down like usual, Oinky, Turin, and Nept got two portions on me because I thought they must be hungry after evolving. Twins arrived about then. Then I got the email from mom, she tried to make it sound like they're doing fine on 27, but she doesn't have a job and doesn't have enough money to help with the munchkins schooling. I looked at what I was doing and it hurt. I had nearly forgotten about mom and my brothers throughout all this. It still hurt, the dull ache of missing them, but that was all, I hadn't thought of them. Hadn't considered they had it tough too. I'll send money tomorrow morning after I take the pictures and write up the mail. Maybe even get some from the gym to send extra. Tessa mentioned something about a study group, I'd be up to it, as long as I can bring some of my pokemon. I never did well in school, and study groups weren't my top priority. They went off and talked about stuff that wasn't really that interesting, strategies for the gym I think. Then there was mention of them holding back pokemon from evolving with a sort of food they put int he water. Kaz wandered off and came back a bit upset looking. Said that Ava was here, and that set the twins off, but I know what I'm good at, and that's stumbling onto things I shouldn't. I headed out after Leo gave me a look, wasn't really sure if I wanted to just go out and be by myself for a bit, or try and find her. Brought Neptune with me, and he asked if we were looking for someone, immediately picked up her trail, what an amazing big bird. Couldn't really just turn my back on the trail like that, so followed it to an alley.

Told Neptune not to attack, since she was obviously waiting for us, and could have done any number of things to help her out if we did something wrong. So she stands up, happy to see me, or at least happy to see me not attacking her, looks like Kaz has been diligent on his reactions when they meet. She seemed more open about things, even when she was telling me to back off and that she couldn't say. She talked to me, and it felt like I was in the wrong, because I was. I had chased after her in the water for hours, then chased her into an alley after she was probably eating, Kaz did get up on his own and go over. She asked about D, and she seemed like she hated him, and she called Freya a bitch, and badmouthed some other girl that's in TRE, but after all of it, she chalked it up to strength. Not something I can really blame her for, I wallow in my inability to help, my falling behind, why can't someone judge for that very reason. She seemed surprised that I hadn't tried to capture her yet, but I reminded her that compared to Kaz, I'm as dumb as a brick. I pointed out that I followed a person that had evaded capture by Kaz multiple times into a dark alley. And to prove a point, Neptune told me that we were surrounded. Said that Kaz needed to go to their side or something bad would happen, I'm not sure if they meant that it would just happen, without anyone causing it or not. I pray it can be prevented, because Kaz won't go over to them, in any events I see at least. I tried to back myself up, reminding her that they killed all those people, took away our home, destroyed Sparrow's life. And she looked down at me with pity, called me ignorant. Everything I didn't want to hear, she was mirroring back to me, showing me that I could very well be on the wrong side. That we were being tricked, just like we thought Freya was. I couldn't handle it, I looked at her and I saw the one thing that I could focus on. I told Neptune to leave, he didn't want to leave me alone, but he didn't want to disobey. He deserves better, I tried to reassure him it would be fine, but thought I was going to get myself killed. He left to find the others, and I woke up in the hospital.

I sat there, trying to remember back to what happened, but there is nothing, like I took a nap and forgot the dream. Doctor was looking over me to make sure I was fine, and right then everyone busts in, I would have cried if it hadn't been my fault. I just wanted to punch myself as it was. Kaz freaked out when he heard what happened and went to go find Ava, Tom went to go stop him after some convincing, namely me about to run off to stop him instead. Told Tess and Leo all I could remember about the encounter. And then I started thinking about what I couldn't remember, what happened, how did she knock me out with so little of me hurt, I vaguely remember hitting the pavement and giving me this big bump. It that's so, why did the other injuries seem so insignificant. What did I say while I wasn't in my senses, what would I have done? Did I give up? Was I not strong enough to even fight against her, and those were just bumps and bruises to make it look not suspicious? I went in, trying to get rid of my doubts through a stupid plan, a plan that might have gotten me killed if she hadn't been so merciful. She called the hospital and paid for my room. Or was it mercy, was she just exchanging the money and call for a favor. Was I afraid of getting hurt? Did I flinch away from the real thing? Military got informed and I've ruined another vacation tonight. Headed back and I'd gotten Sparrow worried, I need to stop going off on my own and doing this. I need to make sure I can come back to her and say that it's alright, to see her smile after everything is alright.

What do we fight for? Family, friends, those lost. What do they fight for? Power, greed, things they haven't told me at least. I try to hold onto this, to cement my knowledge that I'm fighting for the right side, but I realize I know so little about TRE it's laughable. What does Ava fight for? To change something? To help someone? Only for power? I just don't know. I'm tired and I can barely think through the headache, even after Leo helped a bit. So I'll write the mail up in the morning and take pictures for mom.

Night of 8/15, 23 days out, Water Gym Battle(Nuh nuh Heiress of the sea! More like Heiress of stuck up jerk planet.)

Woke up, wrote the letter back home, and took the pictures of Tessa and Sparrow. Head hurts a little, but I feel fine otherwise. We all headed to the gym ready to get an honest fight in. Turns out you have to pay your way in, no biggie, I payed for Leo after asking for a favor, he seemed alright with it and we went in as a team again. Decided to use Oinky since Turin isn't the greatest swimmer, and can't really deal with ice that well. Leo sent out Zero, and the battle began. They seemed to focus on Zero the entire time, and kept on pounding him, but he's a tough little guy. Then they turned to Oinky, where he get knocked out in two hits. I just don't know, some days he is the strongest pig in space, others he just isn't on his game. Zero managed to pull the win out in the end, and I thanked Leo. Grabbed a King's Rock, even though I need money. I'll regret it later, but I have to treat my pokemon right, treat them like they deserve. Kaz's and Tom's fight was brutal. I was sort of scared for a minute there, that she was going way too hard. The tried hard, but didn't win out. A little too hardball for my tastes, when the pokemon are risking death in a gym match. Tessa won her race against the leader, and won a TM of something, haven't really asked what it was. Annae has gotten so much stronger from the fight against the steelix back a few weeks ago. Got called back to the ship where the Admiral was waiting for the 5 of us. Ava wasn't caught, I feel hesitant to say thankfully, but it's not right to wish misfortune on someone who just helped you. Anyway, onto more cheerful subjects, turns out everyone has lost someone. Even Tom in a way. Kaz's mom, Tessa's Aunt, Leo's Mom, dad. All just gone, but dad wouldn't just disappear like that, he was too good at his job, he wouldn't just leave. They wouldn't be able to get dad. But why isn't he back yet then, why didn't you come back?

Had to go through a whole big deal to make sure Ava hadn't stuck a bug down my ear or something, had an interesting conversation with one of the ladies that works for another officer. Got to put all my stuff away again. Up side to that is I know how everything is put away again. No losing any of my few possessions. Got a text from Turtle and Suzan about dreaming and the egg. Headed over and met the little lady fish, she seemed nice enough, nicer than the big shark at least. Just had a little fixation with biting. Captain had already dropped off the Egg Gesine gave me, and Suzan mentioned something about it. Spent a little time with the carvanha and then headed out, got dressed in something comfortable after eating and grabbed some extra food, requisitioned for medical experiments I think I said. Hopefully they aren't too upset over that fight, and they're still hungry. Well I'll sign off for now and write up what happens tomorrow morning after we head over on the shuttle.

Morning of 8/16, 24 days out, Day after shared dream

I really don't know what to think of dreams now. Met one of Guy's older brothers, he seemed nicer than the other one we met. Until he started talking about how we needed to sell our soul to the devil to stay in the dreams. Uhhhh, seemed really not that great of a deal until he said that they wouldn't actually take anything. Said that when we died, we could join something bigger, like a collection of everyone, and if we didn't, there was nothing else. Never been big into religion, happy to try and live out my life the way I think I should, the way I was raised, but you don't want to hope that there's nothing. The chance that you're wrong and you'll be able to leave this life and go onto something else. He mentioned something about ordering Guy to hurt me, and that he wouldn't be able to stop himself. Then goes the other way and offers me stuff to know about him. In the end Tessa and I didn't take it and we woke up, where nobody was happy with what had happened except Turtle. He stopped smiling after a few seconds into the argument though. Tom was trying to tell Tessa what to do, and used Sparrow as point, didn't agree with it, but it made me think. Followed Tessa and talked to her, let her know that I'm really not the best person to try and follow, so I follow her, I follow Leo, I follow Kaz. Of course I always run off on my own, but without everyone I end up getting laid up in the hospital. Freaked out as we realized Sparrow might have made a pact when she was in the church place, thankfully she hadn't, and we warned her against it. Seems like today will be better, get to head to the colony, Kaz will hopefully enjoy his birthday and disregard that little fight. And we get to enjoy being a small dysfunctional family.

Morning of 8/17, 25 days out, Day After Official Gym battle, Day After Kaz's Birthday

Met up with the girl who battled int he gym with Bulk, Kristie mistook Sparrow for our sister again. Hope Sparrow understood what I meant. We took Kristie along with us to 53, since she apparently had gotten stranded. I thought that wasn't very nice of her friend, she seemed to just be having some fun. On the way over we talked about things, Kristie does models like Kaz, and listens to a lot of music, most of which I hadn't even heard of. I did know a few of the songs that always looped at our colony's gym playlist.

Once we got on 53 she showed us where the shops were, and we decided to look around on our own. Tessa and I went to the shops, while Neptune balanced on my head. It was good fun, till I nearly ran him into a storefront. He hopped off and hopped back on once inside. Sparrow pointed out the model that she completed proudly, and Tessa finished up fairly quickly. Headed back and found the guys had been catching birds while Kristie watched. We all headed to the gym while Kristie went off, hopefully to find her friend. Don't want them still upset with each other, maybe even leaving the other behind. Gym had us sign some forms that scared me a bit, until we got up top and looked around, amazing view just sitting at the top of everything. Gym leader was quite impressive and did some stunts before starting the match off. Leo and Kaz fought a really close battle against an adorable big ole guy, had some fruit hanging from his neck, and a big stone bird. Tom went next, fighting against the biggest bird she had. I don't know if he's crazy or stupid. using Shannon again, a pokemon that just hatched in the past few weeks. Kinda scary how powerful she has become, but scary how fast shes been pushed to get that far. She called the fight before he somehow forced her into a corner, and warned him against pushing his pokemon too hard.

Next up was Tessa and me, I let Neptune take care of Sparrow and went over with Oinky. The fight went hard and seemed really intense, Tessa even flinched in pain when Oinky got hit once. Of course luck would have it that Annae goes down and Oinky is up against a big flying white ball of fluff, or something. The two go head to head, spring to tuft, and really dig in for the long haul. In the end Oinky pulled out ahead after a few hard hits and took the thing down. Rebecca let us ride around the gym on several of the pokemon, I got to ride on this really big neat looking one with a big plume of feathers like a cool hairdo. The others gave Kaz his gifts and I fidgeted, not having anything yet. Got some spicy food on the way back, but Sparrow found out she isn't the biggest fan of the triple extra hot salsa.

Made our way back to the port after Leo helped us out, making himself the bad guy to Sparrow, saying we had to go back to the ship. She slept some before we made it back to the room and got tucked in, but she'll still probably want to sleep in tomorrow. Headed to find the Captain and got called into a meeting where we found out that we were getting sent into the hot shit of the system, because they didn't know if we were worth keeping around. After our 'failure' of Freya's rescue. Apparently D is alive and doesn't really care that we already watched him explode, nearly killing Kaz. Apparently the Captain has been getting in trouble because of our activities, and they seem to be giving us all one last chance to prove we are military material. I thought I would be happy to oblige, until they told us that we are supposed to kill anyone that the higher ups tell us to. Leo got another reminder we are under a forced arrangement after they found out about his chart, which wasn't that big of a deal, not enough to freak out like that. I bitched and whined to them, pissing off Tom a little and probably Leo too, but he's too calm to really show it. Nearly got sent to run laps in the gym when Miss Lowell caught us in there. She seemed concerned, but Tom nearly had her flee out the door with a single line. I'll see her later and try to explain.

Didn't get much sleep, was trying to figure out my priorities and really got lost in that dream. Maybe I should talk to Guy, he did like to hang out in the dream world after all.

Night of 8/17, 25 days out

It was a slow day, just trying to stay busy and not count down the minutes till night. Headed to the gym where everyone was, Kaz found out and seemed a bit less angry than I thought he would. Guy was flapping around with his little wings, doing little loops in the air. I might be paying too much attention to him, need to focus on the others, especially Mantle and Oinky. Mantle is still young, and Oinky might get lost while everyone catches up to him. Saw the Captain working with his Luxray. I think guy was tempted to spray the uptight guy with water a few times, but he decided not to. Headed to Turtle afterword and talked about the dream, Tom came in and started talking about something, asking Turtle about the higher ups. Apparently they don't know whats going on at all. Which doesn't really seem that promising for us. Tom acted like everything was going to be ok, like they would turn on a dime and change how things were going. Went on to start testing endurance and self defense mechanisms. It didn't help I was tired, after getting hit in the face with a padded bat for the fourth time I nearly just left, but it's gonna get better eventually.

Headed to the Ranch with Sparrow and let her play with some of the more calm pokemon. She seems to be a lot more relaxed as long as someone she knows is near. Going as far as flying on those birds at the gym, and supposedly loving it. Wanted to talk to Suzan about what she said after we got back from the colony the first time, but didn't bring myself to draw the courage. Had a quick dinner and headed back here,

Night of 8/18, 26 days out, Gene and Petra's Birthday

Woke up feeling a little better, happy to finally get some rest. Headed to the gym with Sparrow and Gwen, letting them stretch and get a healthy amount of exercise. Seems that Leo got the hang of ordering two pokemon at once, and wanted to test it out, so Tom called me over and we agreed to a match. I asked for it to be a nice friendly match, they seemed fine with that. I send out Gwen and Tom sends out his nidoking, the nidoking that he seemingly can't control if it fights against a male. Leo sends out Jenny and Al, well poor Al. I'm not too sure I like the way that Tom fights, it seems like he wants to crush and obliterate the enemy, never backing down, sending out Shannon at the water gym, and then again at the flying gym after challenging the most powerful enemy he could. Like he had to prove himself the most powerful, or just to show up the enemy. He said something like, I'm sorry, but it's what Elvis wants. Uhh, no. You let him do that, and if you can't control him in a friendly match, you should try and teach him some restraint. Jenny was a tough one to take down, and managed to take out Elvis, and then work on Gwen. She evolved in the middle of the battle, into a kirlia, I was happy for her and scared at the same time. I wanted to end it, as she wasn't nearly as strong as Jenny, but she seemed to eager to continue on, to please me. While Tom yelled out for her to continue, trying to push her like he pushed Shannon in the flying gym. But Jenny has been around just as long as Oinky, and showed it, but before she dealt the final blow Gwen cried out. The egg was finally hatching.

Got there in time to watch the baby ralts hatch out of the egg, while his mama and papa sat there watching over him. It makes me wish I had been a breeder, being able to watch all the families be together. Tom watched over the baby and the little Ralts seemed to be fine with him, so I'll just trust his parents to make the right decision. He'll be with them for the next few days, so I'll be leaving Gwen and Mantle at the ranch during the mission. Headed to the rangers where Lowell had some….questions. She's one of the nicer people I know here, even though she's a bit blunt about things. Most of the rangers are great people, makes me glad to be one. After running through a few courses and getting familiarized with some more equipment I got a message on my PDA alerting me to the poliwag egg hatching, so I excused myself a little early from the rangers and went to go check on the little one. There she sat, looking around at everything with such big eyes, Petra. I remembered a story mom told of an old earth city, apparently really ancient and still stands strong. Hopefully I can raise her to be strong and dependable like that. But then again, Petra is just a pretty name, so maybe she can be fun and friendly too.

Headed to Turtle with Petra riding on my shoulder, I asked him to go easy on the tests so I could watch over her, he said alright, and kept trying to trip me into walls instead, while Petra watched from one of the tables. I left Gwen and Mantle at the ranch after grabbing them something to eat, while I took Petra along with me. Sit here in bed, with her strapped in lightly into the bed next to me snoozing, I'll finish up the journal and fall asleep, happy to have another friend along with me.

Night of 8/19, 27 days out, Team Meeting

Went to the gym with Mantle and Gwen watching over Gene, Petra being adorable sitting on my shoulder while Guy sits on my head. They're like the oddest pair, one without arms, the other without eyes. Headed to the gym with Sparrow and everyone. Tom worked with Gene while I helped Petra out, the two littlest members getting trained on how space works. The commander tried to swim around, and it sort of works in zero gee, but I'll still be there to help her along.

Headed to the guys room for the team meeting that had been called, wasn't really looking forward to it, and now I feel justified in feeling that way. Leo started talking about how we needed to stop being so protective of everyone. If we all throw ourselves into danger, nobody comes out alright. It was sort of directed at Kaz and me. Asked me to make sure we communicate where we're going if we head off alone. Then Kaz stands up and acts like he's got a big announcement to make, I'm thinking that he's going to talk about the mission, but he goes off and says that he had been possessed by Lord D, not figuratively either. D put blood inside him and was trying to make him into another Lord D. So the guy we killed was some poor sap that just got attacked by D, and hadn't actually done anything wrong. Everyone seemed that it was ok because at that point he was D, but still, maybe he was just as scared from what was happening as we were. Spent the study session talking with all my pokemon, trying to see how they felt about the situation. Neptune being the one that talked, Guy just chittered while he sat there, cute little thing.

Went on to help with the rangers, trying to stay active under Lt Lowell as she had us doing some drills with the styler. The evening went by fast, and had to head back to the room to get some sleep for the next day. Still sitting here trying to think of justifications for Lord D. The more I think about it the more I don't get it.

Night of 8/20, 4 Weeks passed, Day Before Lady S Mission

Tom asked if he could pick up Gwen for tomorrow, I thought he intended to bring him on the mission until he seemed incredulous that I would imply that. Worked with Neptune to try and improve on his flying, pulling me up off the ground and trying to grab me out of midair, more routine things like that. He's great as a flier and tracker. Finished up and headed back to the ranch where Sparrow was staying looking through a school book. Decided to hang out with her for the most part of the afternoon in case anything happened on the mission. Let her choose what she wanted to do, so we went by the shop and looked through all the clothes and then went to pick up a game and movie to watch. I tried not to tear up on the ending of Summer Sentrets, but it's just so sad. After I let her head back to the room to finish up the work and get ready for bed, shuffled over to Turtle's where Kaz was there asking about D. Turtle apparently got pulled off the research, which is pretty dumb, considering he's one of the best researchers I've seen. Had our check ups and headed back to our separate rooms, Turtle a bit sad he didn't get to run any strenuous tests due to the mission. Said night and now I'm finishing up the journal trying to fall asleep. What will we do tomorrow? Who are we ordered to kill? How are the others doing?

The twenty first of august, Sophia is dead, the machamp is dead, the pokemon that knew her are being separated and sent to different colonies. The military doesn't care about anything but their own power, they wanted to use them for breeding stock or labor. Send them off to die alone with their children used as foot soldiers for the war effort. Sophia lived a life of pain, and had her life ended by everyone. They chose to take that path. It was necessary. I couldn't see that it was necessary. It was necessary to kill her, we had to. We killed her. We all killed her. I can't live in a world of fantasy, Tessa explained, everyone hurt just like I did. She floated through the room, a bullet wound in her chest, blood trailing away from her corpse. Everyone was drained like I felt. The other team might recover. Jacob told me that Steve may never walk again. We had to kill her. Her pokemon cried over her body, hating us. The vespiquen attacked Tessa, and we killed her children. The nidoking defended his queen, we attacked them too. The slowkings are being sent to prison, condemned to a hell somewhere the military wants. She wanted to die, she patted my hand like mother. Blood leaks from her mouth as she limply looks at the ceiling. She joked that it cost too much to live. The pokemon hid from us, looking at us like we wanted to kill them. The nidorinos tried to stand in between their brothers and me. I scare the pokemon into hiding just by existing? The combees armor is all that is left of the pokemon. The fires from our attacks killing them. The mother came to defend them, and I respond by shooting her. I have to protect everyone. The group wanted to slowly head into the dance hall. I bust open the door, team B was safe so I tried to convince her to stop. The slowkings were alright with abandoning the fight, they didn't even want to start a fight. They helped us with everything and we repay them with imprisonment. She told them all to go along with our wishes, we didn't even protect all of them from death. They were too enraged. Kazuma was cut by her, she didn't attack me. None of them attacked us, we attacked the combee, we attacked the nidoqueen. The queen of the ship led them all, and they were happy, she had gone through her life without the joy of companionship, and had accidentally taken the life of a relative. How can we talk of sacrifice when she had never been able to live. Mother is trying to get along on the new home, Sophia could never have been a mother, her life so torn apart by something that she did nothing to bring about. She sent her pokemon out to live in a hell rather than die with her. They cry over her body and shoved me away as I try to comfort them. I killed her by not finding a way to stop those powers. Freya may end up just like this, wishing for death because we couldn't help her. Turtle may help. I watched as everyone decided that she had to die, I wake up as she floats dead in the room, marks covering her indicating several attacks while I was asleep. The powder all over me reminding me that Tom ordered his butterfree to put me to sleep. I try to stop everything and they take me out of the equation, but it was necessary. I had to kill her because it was necessary. The death of the ship was necessary. They're going to better places, it was necessary. The machamp screams at us, enraged that everyone was going along with her killers, the pain of him nearly slamming me to the ground was nothing. She could stand a lifetime of pain and suffering. Everyone can withstand having to kill her. It was necessary. Tessa said there would be good reason to kill. It will always be necessary. Dad said it was necessary. The world isn't black and white, and I am not a comic book hero who can make everything right. I can not save, I will protect everyone. I will protect the people I love, and they will save everyone. I can endure through the pain of simple violence and we will make it to the end. They will go home and have their families. They will live their lives because of what was necessary. Leo knew it was necessary, I'm sorry Leo, I should have been able to trust you and let you lead me. I was too simple minded to trust you, even though you are better than me. Tessa, I will never amount to you. You are a better teacher and learner than I could ever be. I will never be the fighter Kaz is, I can feel the pressure in my chest from where he hit me. The electricity crackling into my body as Sophia thrusts at his arm with her bow. His blood is in the air, Lord D is somewhere, he is killing people, taking them over. I will shed no tears for that necessity. Tom took me below capable of handling this, he put me to sleep, he judged me as incapable. It was necessary, just as learning to handle a gun so I don't hurt Leo again. I nearly lost him by fumbling around. I could have lost everyone if I kept defending Sophia, it was necessary. Leo said it wasn't my fault, it was necessary though. Miss Lowell said that I did good. I tried, but why did everything end up like this? Why is she floating in the air, the team looking on her with sad eyes, why did they kill? Why did they have to go down this way? I didn't want any of them to have to do this, we hadn't even graduated yet. We should have been in school, waiting to get out to play in the park, to head to another friend's house and read the latest magazine. I wanted to keep them out of this whole thing, but I killed her. I must have the will to protect everyone no matter the cost to myself. Neptune was sad for her, he was crying for everything that had happened. I want to protect him from that.

10/26 Night of Star's Injury
Leo, I'm sorry. When we were going to die, I wanted to tell you that I messed up. We made it out of it all, and I went to see you. I constantly lean on you and shove my problems on you, but you need to worry for someone else. I should've been the one to protect Teresa, and the girl you care for took the consequences for that. You weren't acting like a fool back then, I was. God I'm always such an idiot. I love Teresa and Sparrow, but I always thought that you were the greatest. I never told you exactly how I felt, since I kept screwing up back then. I can't say anything now, because I don't want to shove my problems into an already hard situation. Star isn't someone I understand, but maybe you didn't need to look after an idiot. I can only hope that she comes out alright and sees how lucky she is.

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